Girl, Heal Yourself: Prioritizing Mental Health in Everyday Life

In this episode of Girl, Come Sit With Me, host Dom sits down with trauma therapist Ty'jah to discuss the importance of prioritizing mental health. They dive into personal healing journeys, overcoming guilt when putting yourself first, and breaking free from societal expectations. 

Ty'jah shares her transition from teaching to therapy, how grief led her to her purpose, and the power of self-advocacy in mental wellness. Whether you’re struggling with change, feeling stuck, or need a reminder that it’s okay to put yourself first, this conversation is for you.

Chapters

• 0:00 Creating a Safe Space for Vulnerability
• 2:08 The Healing Journey: Personal Stories of Trauma
• 5:53 Understanding Identity and Moving Forward
• 8:47 Prioritizing Yourself: The Key Healing
• 11:57 The Importance of Being Heard in Therapy
• 12:58 Embracing Change: How You Start Doesn't Define You

Transcript

0:00

Okay, hi hi hi. Hey, I am Dom your host welcome to girl Come sit with me. I am a psychology professor and also the host of this amazing podcast Which is focused on this community the main thing about this is that we are creating a safe space for us to feel vulnerable and honest and understanding To a point where we're able to understand that our views matter Our stories are important and everybody has a story to share so why not share ours, okay? So let's get into it. Today I have Miss Tijah. She is a trauma therapist. Y'all, first of all, I met her at an event that I was speaking at and I don't know what it was. We just clicked. Soon as I got off for whatever reason. I literally went to my sisters and then straight to her. I don't know how it happened, but our spirits just resonated with one another. See? So, why we're here today is because what is our main topic today? Mental health, prioritizing yourself. Mm-hmm. you all know, mental health is really big on this podcast and it's not just about, go see a therapist, sit and talk to someone or, go check yourself in somewhere. No, no, no. We're taking it beyond that because sometimes we really need to understand what healing looks like for other people to really get an idea of where to start because it's healing sounds like such a enormous thing. but it really doesn't have to be. It could be all so simple. Right now? For some people it's probably starting right now. in this moment in this role okay cuz we are live recording with a live audience so tell me how did you start your healing journey What happened was I lost my student. She was murdered. And I was a kindergarten teacher and I still had to show up to work. So I had five and six year olds and in the middle of grief. They never gave me a day off. And I was just like, I don't know what's going on. And I was indecisive like, oh, they need me because we started the year together. They just lost a friend. but i had to leave that had to put myself first inside it'd be left in the middle of the school year in i'd just started over it was hard like probably start working for like two months but it was the best thing i think i could have done because i didn't get a mental health therapist cd like right out there and wrote into graduate school and i was like this is what god has been showing me for so long and i had to take like that one tragedy and that one step to put myself first. Wow. And you know, sometimes it happens like that, where it's those worst moments or those indescribable moments. No one could ever imagine losing a student or a child, period, right? No one ever thinks of losing a child. it's in those traumatic moments that kind of serves as that force. Yes. Forces us to have a catharsis. Like, this is not something needs to change. I need something to give. Yes, and then it's almost like sometimes you think that if I'm not there, then who's going to be there for them? But then if you're not there to hold, then you may not be doing up service. So I just told God that when I leave, just put somebody there and whatever happens after that, you know, like I did my part. Because sometimes you realize like you never stop and you could have gave it 100 percent, but you don't feel like it. So now you're stuck in like in a cycle to continue. That limbo. You're burning yourself out. So it's hard, but I think that if you understand who you are and what you stand for and what you give the day to day, then you should be okay with walking away if you had great intentions from the beginning. I completely understand that. am, for those of you who don't know, I am divorced. And when it comes to that, I had to learn. Like, hey, I did my piece, I did the best I could, I tried my hardest. And when you leave knowing that, actually I kind of wish I would have left a little earlier, just a hair earlier. But when you leave after exhausting all of those options, it's a guilt free sort of thing is almost as if your life has this way of elevating itself even though in those moments think about it that is scary you let your job leaving anything any type of loss is scary let's be real even when someone's like okay you may have a job that's not me say we are going to pay you better you're gonna have better benefits and it's going to be closer to your house But if your previous job has been consistent, it's scary. It's something that you're going to be tussling with. But the fact that you did that, I applaud you for that, because girl. I applaud you for that for real. That is, yes, that takes a lot. That was beautiful, for real. Yeah, I know, that's insane. So then, okay, so my next question would be, How exactly do you move past that point? how do you move past that? That's- understanding who you are because sometimes you get so caught up with your identity and jobs and men and kids. That's true. I understood that I was a great teacher from the beginning even when I walked away I still would be a great teacher. You have teacher energy. You do. Comforting. Energy. just feel like when you know who you are, and sometimes you may have to go back to the drawing board because sometimes you may not even understand because you probably lost that in the process or in the person. just going back to the beginning. Like what do you stand for? Who you are? Who you desire yourself to be? Because I can be, I was a kindergarten teacher five years ago, then I became a therapist. Wow. That's a whole nother different role. It is. How did you even realize or what helped you realize that you were going to have a passion for mental health? i was running from it actually was undergrad okay i thought i wanted to be a family attorney i was a guardian like a for eight years in being i was like taking a l say a couple years in the end how's that i don't know what i want to let me just want to each but they when i went in a classroom i thought things from a different perspective indian when a tragedy happened i was just like what what do i do next yeah indian like During the process, I didn't really grieve because I didn't put myself first. So even though I walked away, I didn't really grieve. Yeah, I was just like, what are they doing? How are they? And then I picked up another job. But then at one point before I went to grad school, I had to go back to the job of who I am and what I stand for. And I just like to be a bridge and a help. And I was like, that's a therapist. Someone could come sit with you and talk and you'll feel comfortable. Yes. So that's what happened. And you did it guilt free. Guilt free. That's the power. idea what i can they still growing is still you know it anyway i'd probably just left too soon but i think that i understand that i did my part most of the department of the okay feel like that's a message for so many aspects of life. We have to do our part. But the issue is when we hear we have to do our part, sometimes we think that's of service to everyone else instead of of service to ourselves. Yeah, so doing your part is putting yourself first. Yes, yes, even prioritizing ourselves. Yeah, like what you want because what you want today or how you feel today you may wake up and you may not feel like that anymore or you may not want that anymore. So if you put yourself first then you would be okay with making the changes. And you'll be accepting of the change that you may not even know that was there or not who you wanted to be or become. Yeah, that's a big one because when it comes to making those changes, sometimes we feel it. Like how you said earlier, you just, you felt it. We get these feelings and sometimes we run out of fear. Sometimes we just linger out of fear. Sometimes it's just because we just don't know what's next or anxiety, things like that. But Or you even feel guilty, guilty for moving on or guilty where you feel like you're giving up and that may not even be the case. So you feel like a whole lot of things, a whole lot of feelings. But I think that if you put yourself first, no matter what you feel, you will still be able to move forward. That's how I think about it. Sometimes we have to move past certain feelings when we feel that it's right. When you feel it in your spirit that it's right, it's those moments. It's even with when I started this podcast. The idea actually popped up while I was on the walk with my sister. And when I tell you, this is not her first time suggesting this to me. And I was just like, la-di-da-di-da. I received it. I felt it, but like, do do do do, like, mm, that's a lot. Are people even going, mm, mmkay. Or what if I have my professor voice on? Because I taught in person, now I teach virtually, and I've been a professor y'all for several years now. I started in my 20s. So, it's those moments, like, hope I don't sound like I'm teaching to them. Hope I'm not using the professor voice. Did you finish your homework today? No, you can't have that extra time on that exam. Right? Yeah, I might even think that as a for a therapist as well because some of the stigma is when you're going into therapy, you're not looking at it like you're looking at it like therapy. But because I am a therapist with children, especially adolescents, it's like, what's up? Like, how are you? Exactly. How you doing? So it's like working with teenagers. You don't want it to necessarily feel like something is wrong. You want to have it like a casual conversation. You want to be like relatable. And just sitting, talking. Sometimes I do therapy in my car to make it non-traditional. We're teenagers and we just sit in front, across from each other and we're talking. And they was like, miss, you cool, you cool. So it's things like that that sometimes you may have to change the trajectory. Because therapy is, when you go to therapy, something is wrong. They think it's a diagnosis, but sometimes you just need somebody to come sit with you. Talk to you, listen to you. Because we sometimes know what we need or what we want. But sometimes we just don't have nobody to actually listen and give us that, mm-hmm. It's That's what therapy is about. Giving you a way to be free, giving you a way to be heard. I think that's very important. That was amazing. So one last question. One last question. Out of everything, you mentioned so many different aspects of how you got into mental health, your years into it, you pretty much being an advocate for those adolescents that you just mentioned, and you being an ally for them. Out of all of that, what is the main thing that you've taken away? for yourself. One of the main things that I've probably taken away is it's not how you start because I see myself in them so much. I was like a rebellious kid. had my drama, my trauma. And then when I see them, I always tell them, you too can be something one day. And even if you don't think about it today, tomorrow, your senior year, It doesn't matter like how you start. doesn't matter like what you think is missing. At some point, it will be like right there where you need it. It will be right there with the timing. And just give yourself grace because sometimes some people running against the clock, they're running against their past and it's never a right time. Like I said, I was in the classroom one day and tears the next day, therapy the next day, and God just allowed it to work itself out. because what I thought I wanted, which is to be a family therapy attorney, God said I have something for you. He put me home for four years. And I was in a classroom for four years because of that. Because I wasn't sure and I was going against what I knew what was right. Sometimes we fight it. Yeah. I knew like mental health. And psychology was my thing from undergrad. I was like, you know, sometimes you go over here in life and you're like, oh, well, I like to do that. Oh, I want to do that. And then as time go on, it's like, wait, hold on. I don't really know. And then you change it because sometimes you change things as life goes on. And how you start is may not how you finish. And it'll be things along the way where it make you change your mind, make you second guess yourself. But sometimes you arrive where you need to be. right where you need to be and on not your time but really on God's side. God's time and it's okay to change our minds. It's okay to change your mind sometimes. Well Taja, thank you so much for joining me on Girl. Come sit with me. Thank you. Thank you so much. Yes. First live recording y'all. Thank you. See ya!