Girl, Come Sit With Me: Why Setting Boundaries is Self-Love in Action

In this heartfelt solo episode, we explore the transformative power of setting boundaries and why it's one of the greatest acts of self-love. I share practical steps to protect your peace, including how I stopped comparing myself to others—a boundary that has brought me so much freedom.

I’m also thrilled to share my conversation with the amazing BeBe, whose insight and warmth made this episode so special. Together, we unpack how boundaries can help you show up as your best self, especially during challenging seasons. 

Whether you're struggling with family dynamics, relationships, or self-comparison, this episode is a reminder that setting limits is not about keeping people out—it’s about honoring yourself
Thank you for tuning in to Girl, Come Sit With Me! If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who could benefit from this conversation.

Transcript

0:03

Okay. Hey, hey, hey, welcome to Curl. Come sit with me. I am your host Dom. I am also a psychology professor and my main goal is to continue to create safe spaces for women to understand that it's okay to be authentically yourself. It's okay to be vulnerable and allow yourself to... love what you're into. There we go. Hi. Hey, welcome to Girl. Come sit with me. I am your host, Dom. Here we focus on creating a safe space for women to feel vulnerable, feel open enough to share their untold stories and understand that they are valued. They are worthy. And what else are we worthy of? We're worthy of remembering exactly who we are and continuing to show up for ourselves. And that brings us into today's episode. And my very, very special guest, I am so excited to have her here with me. Please give a round of applause, y'all, for Bebe. Hi. Yes, she is a creative. She is an artist. She is a dancer. She is a choreographer. She's worked with artists like CeeLo Green. And y'all, she has a beautiful, a phenomenal track called Trust God's timing so quick story time on how we ended up Connecting but before we get into that I have to talk about her song so I was at a giddy And her song ended up playing I did not realize that it was her song So I just heard this song and I'm just rocking out to it. I'm vibing I am literally in my own zone. Okay, and she's just like, do you know who song that is? I was like, nah, but it's lit. I like this. I don't know who it is, but they had my full attention. She's like, it's me. It's me. I said, wait a minute. It's you? Y'all, it was amazing. And what I really enjoyed about that track in particular is I was zoned out in my own little world. And it takes a lot to pull me out of my thoughts. But that song instantly got my body moving, got my body flowing. It had my energy flowing. And I appreciate that because not a girl. I loved it. Okay. So hey, Bibi, thank you for coming to sit with me. Okay. I'm happy to be here. And yeah, that song, that track when I first, when I was in the studio and I first heard the melody, I said, that's me. That's me. No, for real? It was made and cut in that same night. One night. That's why it feels so true. Yes, it feels true. were like, we had a couple of writers, J Tan and Ronnie Love. Hi, Ronnie. Okay. And of IAG. And we were in the room. We said, what's the topic? We spit out some things. They asked me some things that happened and we put it together. I said, want this to sound like this. We punched in. Did our thing, made it happen. I love that. When I tell you, it just flows. It does not sound forced or anything. then remember by the end of the song, so before she even told me it her song, by the end of the song, I already knew the chorus. And she was just like, how do I know the chorus to this already? Yes, you did that, okay? You did that, y'all. It was actually at the same giddy that I met her and it was just an organic connection. It was very, very organic. It wasn't forced. We both were chill, chilling in our own vibes. And I don't know, we just connected. We did. We connected. She was sitting there like a goddess, crisscross applesauce on the couch. I walked in, you know, saying hey to everyone. And she was saying, introducing herself to me, it went over my head. I was so captivated by her face and her beauty and her, just her essence. And I kept telling her that and she's like, thank you, thank I was like, thank you, I appreciate it. In my mind I'm said, she's so gorgeous. What is that? Thank you so much. I feel as though when you meet certain people, you're like. You can honestly say, okay, I'm a reflection of you. So it felt as though my energy was a reflection of your energy. I love that. And I feel like that's why you're like, she's so pretty. It's a reflection of you. That's what it is. That was so beautiful. Yes, absolutely. And y'all, we dive into what actually brings us into today's episode. So we ended up diving into a topic that was not something that people usually talk about. Usually, you know, when you're meeting someone, you introduce yourself. You may introduce, hey, this is what I do. This is what I like. This is what I don't like. But y'all know our conversation was about boundaries. It was deep. It was a deep conversation. And I just knew instantaneously, I was like, hey. My first season of Girl Come Sit With Me, I didn't have any guests. I wanted to focus on my self journey and reminding everyone who's listening, like, we can all be vulnerable together. We don't have to be embarrassed by our truths. We can learn from them, heal from them, laugh about a couple of them, and keep it going that way. You know? So when we started connecting on boundaries, I said, yeah, I have to get her. I have to get her here. Would you care to share about some of that conversation? Boundaries, I would love to. This is important, ladies, young ladies. So the first lesson that I had about boundaries was when I had that 10 year relationship and... Leaving it I had to really ask myself. What am I doing? Because the narrative is you're being selfish. Yes. you want to be in the streets? You're leaving for money Are you leaving for another man? No, I'm leaving for peace I Left for peace for myself for growth for something higher than the 3d physical money car fame you know, it was bigger than that. That was the greatest move ever. Then when I did it for my mom, with my mother, I had to let her know that there was a death in the family and she wanted me to go to Jamaica. I had to let her know, no, I cannot go. But when I was younger, my experience of her was that anytime I would say something out of pure, you know, children, children to say things. Yes, it's the innocence. It's the innocence. Innocence of it all. Right. And we can feel energy. So when I was younger, I would feel from her, her being uncomfortable or not disliking my response to things. So then I would alter it and put on this mask and alter it. Oh no, I'll do this. For her, you know. Then fast forward, now that I'm recently, had to let her know, no, I couldn't go. I paused and when I looked at her and I said it to her, she gave that same freeze and she looked at me and it was just period, end of sentence. And my inner child felt so good. That was a win for your inner child? It was, it was a win. You knew that your answer was your You didn't have to explain anything because no is a full sentence. Yes is a full sentence. Right. And at this point, especially being a mother, I have to make decisions. All the time. We have to make decisions. All the time. You know? parents, I think that they just, sometimes they don't make that switch that this is a young lady who has responsibilities and has to lead her own family. the sisters and brothers, those are people, those are your family. You know what mean? Those are my mother's family. I wouldn't necessarily choose to hang out with those people. You know what I mean? So that means naturally my spirit, had to accept that and say, hmm, it isn't bad that we aren't the same. It isn't bad that I wanna progress and go over there. I'm not trying to... It isn't a negative thing, cut them off and forget them and da da da da, make my money. No, it's just, I came into this world differently. Yeah. Yeah. And you connect with who you connect with. You connect with who you connect with. All of us are different. We're all different beings. When they say everybody is different, literally, every, every body is different. Every body is different. So. Going, I believe going through all of the high school and doing all that stuff, that's where a lot of trauma happens. When you question who you are, you're in this energy, a lot of, you want to, you see the cool kids, for me, I saw the cool kids and I thought I wanted to hang out with them. But my spirit never really did. So in my mind, I was like, my God, I'm such a loser. Yeah, I'm lame. You know, I don't want to, I don't want to go to the clubs. But that's just not me. That's just not my energy. So let me give you a counter to that, right? So my experience in high school was different. I was considered one of the cool kids, but I never identified as a cool kid. Right. It makes perfect sense because I was on the step team. I was on the dance team. was on, was, everyone knew me. everybody knew me. of me. I just never connected with being there. It felt like I would just be staring at him like, I don't know how to connect. Like, girl, but I don't really know how to connect with you. You know, we're on this, we're on the step team together, we're on the dance team together, we're on the flag football team together, we're on this team together. Everyone knew me, I spoke, but they didn't know me. Yeah. And for me, I am learning, well, I have learned recently actually, within the last year, that one of the reasons I felt like that was because I still was learning who I As I got older, I started learning like, snap, OK, I am at an age where I do have to figure out what is inappropriate to me, what is not inappropriate to me, not just based on what my family says, but based on my particular values, what I see fit, things of that nature. So for me, I was just learning to put those boundaries in place. in learning what needed to be a boundary and what just did not matter. Because I realized some things that were important to some of the other cool kids like myself, I didn't care at all about it. At all. I would go to the, I would overhear about a party or something and I would show up by myself and I would just be there and then I'll leave. See? Or I remember one time back in the day, There was this club, Club Euro. Oh snap. You remember the club? Hey, I remember Club Euro. We remember that. Girl, why I fell in the, I'm in the bathroom sleep. Not, not because I'm drunk. It's because I was tired and over it. I want to go home. So I went clean the toilet with the toilet paper. There were about like three rolls of toilet paper. I put that in my arm. that was my pillow I just... What in the world? They like, where were you? I took a nap. If only I knew I was knocked out. I took a nap. know what to tell you but I was asleep. In the club, yes in the club I took a nap. But think about it, you did what you had to do. And guess what? Even with the examples that you've given us, each time shows that you walk in authenticity. It shows that you focused on... self-love because to leave a relationship after being with someone for a decade That takes a lot and it takes a lot of self-love To stay and it takes a lot of self-love to leave and to go without a plan. No money. No money. There wasn't there was No money No plan. I just said go Spirit just said go I said, okay, I am being obedient Yes, you want to know something a question back in the day people would always come to me and say You're so lucky you're so this and that and me I'm like as a kid is like no I show up and I find my way to rehearsal just because our pen. Okay our parents always worked So we didn't we didn't I didn't have a ride to go anywhere You know what mean, but I figured it out what city bus figured it out that part because you wanted to get where you want to go So people would say, you're just so lucky or just so lucky. No, that's not that isn't it. You chose it. You chose it. You put it in work. You do what you're supposed to do. But think about it, even with as we grow within ourselves, it's the same thing we have to keep putting in the work. Yeah. It's just like like with the one you shared earlier, how you told your mother, like, hey, no, Jamaica this go around. Think about it as children we're naturally taught to say yes. Right. Especially for little girls. We're naturally taught to say yes. And be nice. And be nice all the time. And you have to smile. All the time. And guess what? They drill that into us. You know for most people that ends up getting drilled into us. And then as we become adults it's like we are forcing ourselves to un-love. We're forcing ourselves to understand that boundaries are not selfish. all. You having boundaries is not selfish. It is an act of self-love. It is literally self-love in action. That's what boundaries are. That's all it is. And yes, you hear all the time, the people are going to think that you're, something's wrong with you, this, this, and that. I just completely, just like your friend you told me. I just stopped talking see And my mom was like my me Brittany, you know, I know you you're a happy person Something's wrong with you. No, I'm perfectly fine I don't just and I just left it like that. I don't I don't my spirit doesn't Feel the need to explain anything. Yes, because you don't have to You don't have to so the friend that she is talking about is someone who popped into my life on New Year's Eve and told me that she subscribes to the shut the fuck up ministry. That's the ministry she subscribes to. She says she doesn't explain herself unless she wants to. She's not going to over explain ever. She says she doesn't share her plans unless she feels compelled to, unless she feels a connection with someone. She said, Hey, I know that I am in a good space or she said she also knows that she's not being triggered when she's able to just be quiet. She said everybody does not need to know everything. So she says before she shares certain things, before she goes on these rants or starts telling her business because that may be her way of needing a therapist but also not going. She said she'd rather just subscribe to the Shove the Fuck Up ministry. And y'all for whatever reason. That resonated with me so much because sometimes we share out of hurt and us sharing, sometimes it's like a catharsis, meaning a catharsis is basically when you have a release of lot of pressurized emotions. Sometimes it's like that, but then other times we share because we're hurt. We say things we don't mean, or we say way too much too aggressively. So maybe we say what we mean, but we aren't saying it in a way that's digestible. And then we end up regretting it. Or we don't feel better after we share it. So I love that. Thank you for bringing that up. Yes. Absolutely. But I do have a question now. How does that work with you being in an industry that compares everyone? Think about it even as a dancer, as a choreographer, as an artist, a singer. Because I've been blessed to work behind the scenes and when I'm creating something, so now I'm in the position of picking people, you know what I mean? So now I know where I'm coming from and I know that I'm not coming from a mean place. Okay. Now I understand what it is we're put I'm putting something a piece together and I can read your energy And I know that your energy will fit that it isn't because a person's tall In the world, in entertainment, how the human eye reads things is symmetry. Symmetry. I can see that. Right? I can see that. Right. So when you have, let's say, Taylor Swift. Taylor Swift's brand and her dancers has to match that energy. That is true. That doesn't mean a Missy Elliott dancer is just as qualified as a Taylor Swift dancer. But your energy might be different. You see what I'm saying? Taylor Swift and Missy Elliott are two different energies. What? Completely different energies. Completely. Both bring their own rights, completely different energies. Right. That's true. Me and myself, you're the Missy Elliott dancer and the Taylor Swift dancer. We met in the same dance studio. We came up together. We went to the same audition because they said they were looking for dancers. When a casting and this is, my God, I wish I knew this. When casting agents and directors, when they say come, we're looking for dancers and models and things like that. Yes, I see those. They are absolutely looking for it. They don't know until they see it. Until they see it. Until you show up and they say, ooh, I like that. You showed up with your energy. I felt that energy. like that. Right? So, right, so it's never, it isn't about, I didn't get picked for that last audition because in this industry to last, it is rejection after rejection. However, I kept going because I was there for spirit. If you love what you do, it will take you there. will, it will. And you can see the difference when someone has a passion. Right. Versus someone who's doing it just because they're good. Just because they're doing it. Every time I book something and I flashback and I remember the space I was in, energy. I remember booking a whole television show. Didn't even know that's what I was auditioning Wait, what? They just, I just saw audition. Wait, okay. I saw two words, audition, dance, today. I'm there. Hey. Audition, dance, today. I'm there, the room is huge. I walk in looking with heels and everything like that. My homegirl, she's like, Brady, do you know what they're auditioning for? It was for like a youthful show. So I needed to be younger. Went to my car, popped the hood, popped the trunk, changed my shorts, put on my boots, came back, took off the red lipstick, you know? I was being, mm. So I had to bring it down to age, booked it. And then it's like, oh, this is a live television show for a week. this is, oh. I'll say this. I'm here, I'm doing this. It was meant for you to be there too. The whole time, my whole spirit in my head, I'm just like, what am I doing in here? You know who was in the room with me? The last, the second place winner of So You Think You Can Dance. The last girl. In the same audition. We were working together, Coco. So imagine that in my mind, I'm like, she is so good. You know, we're doing the things. beside each other. my God. And then life took, you know, life happened and things like that. And the whole time my mind is like, what am doing here? But hey, my spirit said, I know what I'm doing. Spirit says, I know what you're doing. You're here because I put you here. Spirit will remind you that you're that girl. Right. So going back to how do you deal with the comparison? Me, I've been blessed with being in the position. of knowing what I'm looking for. So now I'm able to apply it to say, okay. It wasn't mean. It isn't a black, white thing. It isn't a light skin, dark skin thing. It isn't a long hair, short hair thing. It isn't any of that. It isn't too heavy set, too skinny thing. It is what your spirit is. Show up. Show out. know you're that girl, that boy, that man. And if it's for you, it'd be for you. And then the beautiful thing is, if you're in the room and that one thing isn't for you, I was in the room with you, I saw you. So when something comes for me, I'm gonna remember you. That one girl. That's how I got into musical theater and on stage. That one girl. I'm at home and my friend calls me. He's like, what are you doing? I'm at home, asleep. He says, come to Boca. We need a black girl. And you're the only black girl I remember, because I took a contemporary class. You're the only black girl that I know. OK. I'll be there. Showed up. They said, we need you to act like this. OK. And I did it. And they looked at me. They said, you just did that without direction. No, I guess it poured out, you know, at the time I don't. It was already for you. Right. What's for you is for you. For me is for me. And then it just kept trickling like that. Just kept trickling like that. Like my girl, she was she was a heat dancer at the time and she was dancing for Premio's Latin Billboard Awards show. dope. Right. And she she was on tour and she called me. She was like, look, the choreographer needs another black girl. calling you. Hey, what you doing? Nothing. I'm in Broward. She's like, how long does it take you to get to Miami? 40 minutes. She said, come. I got there, big old room. boom boom boom boom, know, do what I do. Being you. Being me. In my mind I'm like, what am I doing here? All these girls are Miami Heat dancers. What am I doing here? I'm from the streets. I'm a stepper, boom cat. It's the boom cat. It's the boom cat. No, I love that. And you know when you move, it's... Right, right. Even when you were at the getty, y'all, she was just literally, it was slight movements. And you're like, hey. You asked me, you said, you have a movement, you have choreography for each song. And I said, yeah, every song that's played, I've switched to it. She's like, that's so crazy. Yeah. Every song, was like trap music, then it was EDM. Yes. And then it was this, that. She swapping, literally. Genre to genre we had a DJ that night. So was DJ Trey. Shout out DJ Trey. Shout out DJ Trey, hey! Plays in Wynwood, he's amazing. He really is y'all. Please check him out, okay? He plays in Wynwood every Monday. Yeah. So yeah, like, and she was still just mm-mm. She killing it. And she wasn't paying none of us any attention at all. I loved it. I was like, yes, that's how you get in your zone. So then since you have been practicing and actively practicing setting these boundaries, what is your advice to people or what is your advice to women really when it comes to learning how to set boundaries? And also, how to be prepared for what comes after setting your boundaries. Because that's something that we don't talk about enough. What happens after? It's like, OK, I know I need to set boundaries, but how do I do it? And then once you do it, you're like, y'all not rocking with me anymore because I just set this boundary. OK. Or want to take away. you know, your livelihood or trying to snatch the wool away from you. So the question you asked was how would you, how do you set boundaries? First of all, how do you set them? Your advice to a woman is like, know I need to set them, but how the heck do I do that? Picture yourself, whatever situation you're in right now, picture yourself being in that same situation for another 10 years. How would that feel? I'm allergic. I learned you. I can't do this. soul can't do that. That's my soul said. It said, I asked myself, I can't do this anymore. I cannot do this energy anymore. And I asked myself, what you gonna do? It's either this or the story is gonna be, oh, it was a 23 year relationship that I got out of. I'd rather it be a 10 year relationship that I got out of. Especially when you already knew. Listen, you already knew from the beginning that that person wasn't for you. It's because positive spirits, when you have good spirits, unprotected to let you know what you have at a young age, to let you know that people are going to come to you because they want this and that from you. they want to pull from you. And your natural instinct is to say yes, and that doesn't mean you're wrong. It's because that's what you are created on this earth to do. However, you are protected to know that. So, said the boundary, whatever situation you're in at that situation in that moment, would you want to be in that situation? Especially for my son, I stared right at my son. And I said, I know that in the state that I'm in, I cannot show it from him the way he deserves. That part. That's the real thing. Because remember that children are a gift. And then it reminded me, if my child is a gift, then I'm a gift. Then you're a gift. And I wouldn't want my child to feel this way. So why should I feel this way? literally what happened with me. I knew, I was like, okay, my children can, will never see mommy being treated this way. Or I don't want my actions to let them think, oh, well I should accept this. hmm, I should accept bare minimum. Oh no, we are not doing that. We are completely allergic to that. So for me, that was a huge one. My kids, no. Question. Talk to me. When did you realize how much you were worth and that you were underpaid and overworked as a woman in this. When did you realize? Girl, so as a psychology professor, I started as an adjunct in my 20s. am a black woman. I was a black, young woman teaching psychology to people who were older than me. I was going to these meetings where sometimes I was the only black woman in the room. Or even if we take race out there, sometimes I was the youngest person in the room, period. And they're like, this baby, wait a minute. And then once I started thriving, they're like, wait, how is she? building a rapport with all of these different students. How are her reviews so great? How is it where you have students who, unfortunately, it happens, who fail my class, but in the surveys, the anonymous surveys, they're like, hey, I failed your class, but I failed her, what did say? I failed her class, but I know it wasn't because of her. She was caring. She kept trying. She still was emailing me like, hey, it's not too late. You can still pass. You may not be able to get an A, but you can still pass with a C9. We're getting towards the end of the semester. You can still get it done. It was in that moment where I I had to remind myself that I wasn't alone. I had to remind myself that I belonged in those rooms. And it actually brought me back to undergrad. went to, for undergrad, went to University of Central Florida. And my first summer there, all my classes, I was the only black student in the class. So every time these professors say something about black people or minorities. They looking at me. Don't you think that? Girl, sorry. I do not like that. Something, something, something we black. Yeah, I'm like, wait, I am not the spokesperson. I am still learning myself. OK, step out. It's OK. It's Very good, very good, very good. You okay? I took melon leaves. that's gonna get it all up. Exactly. My body is working for me. take a whole bunch of gender when it gets to her. Yes. Yeah, gender. being a spokesperson. Yes. I am not the spokesperson for all Black women or all Black people. At all. At all. So I would have these moments where I'm like, remember who you are. You're here for a purpose. And you have to let these people know when you feel as though something is okay and when it's not okay. I didn't even know you could do that. And I teach for a conservative all-girls school in Aventura. conservative, beautiful girls, know, it's oxymoron. We're doing hip-hop with skirts all the way down to our ankles. snap. I love it. Yeah. You know, I get in there, like, Miss B, can I take my skirt off and twerk? Listen, listen, you're taking it too far. However, my interaction with them, I could feel my cultural slavery mentality being an issue, cheating them, because in my mind, they were being disrespectful. because they were just so free and just being. What's wrong? You know? One time I said something to a student, she waited to after class and she came to me and she's like, I don't like what you said and I don't like what you did, da da da da. I just waited to after class because I didn't want to say it in front of everyone and disrespect you. But I didn't really like that. And in my mind, I said, look at this young lady. I love her. I'm very proud of her. I would have never. a lot of courage. Yes. Especially at that age. At that age, I would have never. To a teacher? My instructor? I would have never thought I could. I had the right to do that. So I had to keep reminding myself, and seeing the difference between the groups of people and how the spiritual lesson is that God is within. I am. I see the way the parents treat their children, which is not as a child that you have to grow, but as a young, growing spirit that you nurture and that has their own thoughts and their own values. if things break, you don't have to go be upset. It's just flowing and everything is peace. All day, every day. Let the house blow up. It's peace. All day, every day. And the amount of respect and love that these girls gave me. I played my song for them and they, it's beautiful. When are going to chop your, your, your, your, your, music video? Can we learn a dance to it? We learned a dance to it. And they were like, can we, they kept playing. They want to play it over. Cause you know, children will tell you the truth. it's bad. Okay. And they, no, they told me the truth. I didn't, I couldn't, I didn't know how to respond to it. I was stuck. I was like, dazed like, thank you. Like thank you, sugar. And I had to talk to myself. I said, oh my gosh, why was that such a roadblock in my spirit for me just to be, yeah, that's me. you know, and slavery mentality and all those things. We have to get rid of those things. That's why I like what's going on now that I see is a lot of us are teaching the children. And even the older generations, they're starting to get with it as well and appreciate it. We're teaching our children to have voices. To have a voice. My son, he is not being overdramatic. He's expressing exactly how he feels because we are all emotions and he's just very connected to his emotion right now. I feel this and he knows the word to say to it. Yeah, versus us where we're taught. If you want to write a letter, you say, you use this phrase and you end the phrase with this. So we know how to communicate in that way, but we don't know how to just communicate naturally. I found myself saying, how do I say this? Just say it. Just say it. Right. How do I say it? No, you know, there's a different way to speak professionally and educationally, you know, to show your edification. in a different way to speak emotionally, connect connectivity, which has to be developed. But you know how that start. Willingness. Yes, willingness, but also understanding what you're feeling. We have to be able to understand and identify the emotions that we're feeling. sometimes that's going to I can't identify what I don't even realize I'm going through. How do you do that? Because I didn't you know, it's one thing you don't. You don't know what's missing. You know what mean? You don't know what's missing. You don't. You don't know. So you're thinking, you're living, okay, this is how life is supposed to be. And until one day you say, oh no, wait, wait a minute now. Okay, so how do you do that? So I do that and I also teach others how to do that. I love to say start with two emotions that you know you can always identify with. I don't like using anger. I rather use. sadness and I rather use frustration because typically that's when we have the most difficult time when we're happy we're in a joyful mood is easier for us to express ourselves but in those moments you know what I'm frustrated and eventually the more you say it you're gonna there's gonna come a day where something's gonna happen and you may say I'm frustrated right now you say you know what I'm not frustrated technically man I'm mad as hell right now I'm not frustrated I feel like I've been played. And it's okay to do that. That doesn't mean it's okay to be frustrated, mad as hell, and all of those things. If you need that moment to feel whatever you're feeling, I love telling my eight year old this. I've been telling him this since he was a baby. Hey honey, if you want a hug, ask mommy for a hug. Come to me, I will always give you a hug. If you just need some alone time, go to your room and chill. If you want to express yourself to me, but you don't know how, Go to your room and chill, think about it. And when you find any words, it doesn't even have to be the right type of words. When you find any words, then you come back to me. And let's unpack this together. I love that. I love that. tell my son, breathe deeply. I get down on his level and I ask him, how are you feeling right now? What does it make you feel? Yes. What does it make you feel? And then I also like giving examples. So if someone, because a lot of times what ends up happening, and I see this even with, when we create these boundaries and we tell the individuals that we love, that we care, or that we give value, that we believe they are valuable to us in our lives, sometimes we may say, you know what, hey, I don't want to go out to a club anymore. Or I don't like going to that particular restaurant. When y'all go, y'all can go without me. And you may have someone just like wait what why would do guess what? Or what you just be a boozy or you just be an extra Hey, guess what? It is what it is. is what it is. I don't want to go there. So here's my boundary I already gave you the options and Now since I see that you're not understanding that now it will there has to be ramifications for crossing our boundaries. Yeah It has to be ramification. I'm not saying we go around hitting people over the head or blocking people all day. But there still has to be some type of ramification, even if it's simple as simple as us backing off just a little. You know what? Let me give you your space. are understanding where I'm coming from. And technically, I don't need you to understand it. I just need for you to respect it the same way I would respect your boundaries. Right. Because I value you and I want you to value me with the same extent. Right, because remember, yeah, we love the people that are here, but we came into this world by ourselves. Like literally, you know? and twins. Twins. Still, they have their own experience. It was by a different experience. So anything you don't like, you don't have to accept. You know, it isn't a cookie cutter thing. My life doesn't have to look like hers, that part. And don't give your power away just because, you know, that's the one thing, that's something that I had to learn. That I would see such beautiful people and she's so beautiful. And forget about all about what I have going on. You know, in all of this shit. The reason I really, really feel like that, the reason you felt like I was so beautiful when you first met me is because our energies aligned. So in that moment, I was a reflection of you. You were saying yes, were saying the beauty in me, but you were also saying the beauty in yourself. Which is, I will keep that in my pocket. Thank you for that. And now, thank you all for sitting with girl. Come sit with me. Now Bibi, where can they find you? You can find me on Instagram, B-E, B-E dot F-O-X-X. Also, the song is called Chance. Chance. Yes, you know, it's called Chance. It is on YouTube, Chance by Bibi Fox. Listen to it. There's a link in my bio on my Instagram and you can support the movement and the growth. by purchasing the song. Yes. Yeah. So we go, where do we go to search? And we make sure we search Chance by BB Fox. So just go to my Instagram and there's a link in my Instagram. okay. And you click it and everything will be there. Yes. Yes. Cause we here, we support one another and we believe in the movement because we are forced to be reckoned with. Yes. And our time is now. Your time is now. It's now. It's now now anything that you're creating any friend anything that they're doing. It's now now now it isn't too small It's now and you know whoo Keep going because you'll turn around and you'll have five loaves of bread and you have no idea The other day was driving and I counted the different avenues and industries that I'm in that all began at this. Only because I showed up and I said, and I looked at my hand and I said, my five loaves of bread. I said, look at, look at God in spirit. I'll like, look at God. Thank you. I was I said let me art I said what you know when people ask you what do you do? So I'm making sure I have my my elevator elevator pitch ready ready And when I broke it down and I saw what I do And what I have I said, okay, look at God The whole thing abundance in my mind. I kept thinking. I'm just a dancer. I'm not just a So many things I've accomplished so many things only because I was just having fun. So when people are, life is hard, no, have fun, try the different things, try, do the this and the da da da da, show up excellence, you know? Every time I did anything, it was always at a high quality. Whatever it is, I just want to be great at it. Doesn't matter what it is. It will come back to you. I have never been broke. In my mind, I'm like, oh, my family is broke. I look back and I've never been broke. And that's a blessing. Now, now I just have to go edify myself to learn how to play the, you know, play chess with the money to let the money grow for you. Let the money grow. And I said, I had to go find out. I don't even have to go find out. It was brought to me. So remember what is for you is for you is for you. that's the part. It's for you. I had to learn that for the longest. You're getting chills for a reason. When you do certain things or when someone compliments you on something specific that tailored directly to what you do, what you're passionate about. That is for a reason. It's for a reason. We're doing this. Follow your spirit. What's for you is for you. You know, the childhood me would take $20, go to the dollar store. to make sure everybody in my family got a Christmas gift. But I wouldn't have a Christmas gift. I used to do stuff like that. Right. Now we have to take care of ourselves. We're taught that that's being selfish, full of yourself, on your high horse. Thank you all a lot. It is none of that. You are intimidated by me. I'm not intimidating. You are intimidated. And guess what? Them being intimidated by you has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. Right. So you don't have to worry about it. Right. While you're sitting here learning. thinking to yourself, how can I get better in my podcast? How can I get better at this? And someone's watching you. That's the funniest thing. That's the funniest thing. I just had that mind epiphany like two days ago. All of the stress that I've ever had from people, they were always studying me and I never really realized about them. Like, you know what I mean? Wait a minute, how you know that I'm so, how you realize I'm so lucky? What you studying me for? Exactly. So that's hilarious. Thank you. Almost done sweetheart. No, my phone's dead. We about to close it out right now. We got to. Yeah, and then we're about to go love. We're getting in. So yes, so thank you again. Yes. Please check out Chance by Miss B.B. Fox. Thank you very much. And you all know you can find the girl. Come sit with me. You can find this podcast on many platforms. YouTube, Apple Podcasts, iHeartRadio, let's see, Spotify, Amazon. Check it out. Leave a review and really tell us what you thought about this episode. What resonated with you? And also, We just gonna rain Bibi with compliments in the comment section, okay? So as usual, have a beautiful day. Very good!