Welcome to The Art of Not Taking Life Too Seriously

In this lighthearted episode, Dominique dives into the healing power of humor and the importance of not taking life too seriously, even when faced with challenges like grief or single motherhood. 

Dom reflects on staying in her lane, not letting fake people disrupt her vibe, and understanding why anger is often the easiest emotion to express. Join her as she explores how laughter, self-awareness, and a positive perspective can turn life's difficulties into opportunities for growth and joy.

Transcript

Dom Nicole (00:00)
I learned early on that I cannot take life too seriously. I can't. If I did, I would have been went cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs several times over. The way life has a way of throwing curve balls or if any of you all go to the gym, you know how they have those balls.

It's like usually the color is black and it has 15 pound ball to 10 pound ball to 20 pound ball and you can throw it, whatever it is to help you build your muscles. Well, let's just say sometimes life has a way of throwing those type of balls at me in particular, or technically at all of us. Not gonna single myself out because that's just how life works. It's not all gonna be peachy all the time.

Sometimes it's gonna feel like it's roses and the thorns that grow on the stem of the roses as well.

And currently as a divorced single mom raising two boys, juggling life, working, and you know, of course you gotta add some fun in there, sprinkle of chaos and a sprinkle of random things that just happens because it's life. Let me tell y'all, if I did not learn at an early age how not to take life seriously,

It would be a struggle. I'd be walking around mad all the time.

between grief,

and having to rely on my support system, which I'm so grateful for. honey, the math, it's not mathin', okay? The math ain't mathin'. But here's the thing, anger is easy. Being frustrated is easy. Being sad is easy. It's a default setting. But is it helping us? I don't think so. It's really not.

So today we're just gonna focus on how not to take life too serious. It's literally an art when it comes to not taking life too seriously. And this art is going to help us with surviving the day to day and being able to get to a point where we are 110 years old, we're reflecting on our life and we're looking back like, snap.

You know what? I'm glad I made sure I enjoyed those moments. I'm glad I made sure I was present in those moments.

Now, a while back I had this moment where I realized that if I don't laugh, I'm gonna cry. Or worse, I will explode. Like the time my kids tried to help clean and ended up flooding the bathroom. Yeah, it happens. I could have screamed, but instead, I just sat there laughing because, I mean, what else could I do? Like, things happen. It's already done. Like...

The floor is already soaked. The floor is lava. The floor is already soaked and it's okay. We are just going to mop this up together or better yet, y'all can watch mommy mop this up. Thank you so much for trying to help me with the cleaning. You did a wonderful job, but next time we have to do it with less water.

So for me, humor isn't just about the funny moments. It's kind of like, it's about survival. So humor isn't a jest about the funny moments. It's about survival. It's about saying, yeah, life is messy, but I'm not letting it steal my joy. I'm not letting someone else project how they're feeling. Someone who's projecting how they're feeling onto me steal my joy.

We not doing that, I'm allergic. I'm not, nope, not today. That's why today, I'm definitely diving into how laughing at yourself, even in those tough times, can help heal us.

Now for me, I already shared with you all that disassociating is one of my coping mechanisms, But another one of my coping mechanisms is laughter. For me, laughter is a form of self-care because that's what helps me navigate through grief and...

not just grief when it comes to someone passing away, but also just grief with life changes or dealing with any type of loss that was unexpected or was expected.

Now don't get me wrong, I do have a very, very, very dark sense of humor. So I try not to necessarily share all of my humor with all of my jokes that are in my mind out loud because that's just how I cope. And the darker the joke, the better it is for me. I'm also the type of person where, okay, matter of fact, I'll give you all an example. So.

I did natural births, non-medicated, wasn't at a hospital for either one of my births. We can get into all that cool stuff later on. But I'm the type of person where if I feel too much pain, I start to laugh at myself. That is my natural reaction. So it'll go from intense feelings, I was in labor.

the first time and I would just zone out a little bit. Remember disassociating, we discussed this. And I would zone out during my contractions. And then when I came to, every time I came back and realized that I was still in labor and this is really happening and a baby is really about to be pushed out of my body and I have to do the work for it to happen. my goodness y'all, every time I just started laughing.

So imagine watching someone in a daze. They're in a daze for minutes upon minutes upon minutes. And the next thing you know, they're laughing. Now, my support system, they understand how I am. But for people who have never seen that, or for people who aren't as close to me, they would have been looking at me like I was cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.

What is so funny? She was just over there zoned out, tears coming from her eyes because the pain was so intense. I don't like to say pain. I like to say the feelings was rather intense. And y'all, just was like, every time I just started laughing, like how did I get into this predicament? okay, I do remember that night. That was a fun night. All right, okay, it's worth it. And then I zoned back out. Then I come back too. Next thing you know, I'm laughing again.

And I'm just like, wow, why did I volunteer to get pregnant? Why did I always want to push a baby out of my vagina? What is... So now I'm laughing again. And my thoughts just keep going and going. And I'm just laughing at myself like, ha, are you crazy enough to do this again, aren't you? And in my mind, I was like, yep, I definitely want to do this again, minus all of this intensity. So for me...

Humor is what helps me survive. And now that I'm in this stage of divorced single motherhood, it definitely helps me survive. And it also helps me find a way to connect to my oldest son when he's having those difficult moments of, I miss my dad, things like that.

He and I will sit there, we'll have our serious conversations, but usually we're gonna end it with some type of laughter. Whether he does it, I do it, whatever the case may be. And I love that because I'm realizing that that has now become one thing that has added to our bond in such a beautiful and impactful way.

Dom Nicole (09:07)
Laughter is something that has bonded us in a very beautiful and remarkable way. I see that my eight-year-old feels comfortable enough to talk to me about any and everything and he knows that I'm gonna explain it or he'll ask me questions. He knows I don't mind answering the questions. I'm going to explain it where

going to be an enjoyable conversation no matter how awkward it is, no matter what the topic is, if it's something that's heavy, if it's something that's light, he knows that he's gonna walk away feeling better. And if he doesn't feel better when he walks away, he at least understands that mommy is going to make an effort to understand how you're feeling.

and make an effort to help you process how you're feeling.

So I love how humor has found its way into all aspects of my life and different bonds because I grew up in a humorous house, okay? So my granny was a very lighthearted, kind woman, didn't play no mess, didn't take no mess, none of that. But never a drinker, never a smoker, none of that, just always.

stay rooted in optimism and positivity and prayer and I always thought

that that was such a beautiful thing to witness, because I also saw it in my mom. But my mom was a different generation than my granny, so my mom could cut up if she chose to.

but she still no matter will always remain rooted in optimism and positivity as well. And with all of that meant that we're gonna laugh like nobody's business, okay? It doesn't matter what's going on. I have family members in the funeral home industry and so we're going to laugh. It's been times where...

We would all attend a service, a funeral service for a family member. And we may be laughing because why does such and such fall out like that? Why? Why? Did you see it? Did you see it? She know she wasn't there for them at all. Is that a guilt fallout? Nah, she always wanted attention. We would almost bet like, mm-hmm, we already know that one right there, they're gonna put on a show. We gonna see how this go and guess what? What they do.

put on a show. I told y'all the humor is dark, okay? We're not. We listen. We don't judge. So there's definitely going to be moments. y'all, I remember one time I was supposed to, as a little girl, I was in, was this elementary or middle? One of the two. I was supposed to recite this poem by Maya Angelou.

And y'all, I knew this poem like the back of my hand. I got in front of all these people at River Run Park, my goodness, on stage I might add, got up there and froze. Mind y'all, I was the same little girl who would be dancing at all the family events with her cousins because we just used to like putting on a show. And yeah, no, that did not happen when I hit that stage, okay?

to recite this poem. Nope, not at all. Y'all, when I tell y'all I froze, I just stood there blinking. Just blinking. I was like, my goodness. So then finally I went, I was like, this is not working. So I remember I ran off stage, wasn't crying, cause I was still in a state of shock. Okay. So I ran off stage. My mom gave me the paper with the words.

and I went back up. My mom asked if I could go back up. They let me go back up and I recited the poem with my by reading it through the paper and even though I knew all the words y'all I still was just reading directly from the paper would look up every now and then and look right back down at that paper. Now you would think that would be a traumatizing moment for a little girl but in my household y'all we laugh.

We laugh like nobody business. Because I was just like, ain't no way this just happened to me. What? No, no, not I, said the grasshopper. So humor has definitely saved the day throughout my life. And I'm definitely appreciative of it. I'm so appreciative for the gift of laughter, OK? Now, I would be remiss if I didn't mention

the easiest emotion to express. Because there's times where things are gonna happen and the first question may be, me? Why me? Or why this person? Or why is this happening? Right? And in those moments of uncertainty, it's easy to feel anger. Now, I am an Aries.

But I feel as though everyone can relate to this when I say.

Anger is like cheap fast food. It's like going to your favorite restaurant. It's like anger is cheap fast food. It's quick. It's satisfying in the moment.

But it leaves you feeling empty. Now granted there are those moments where anger makes you feel better, because I'm not going to hold y'all sometimes when I express my anger. I'm like, ooh, I feel so great. But guess what? After I feel great, then that emptiness starts to creep in. Because I may still be a little more angrier. And I'd rather choose something more nourishing to me spiritually, mentally, emotionally, like

laughing at how ridiculous life can be. I'd rather do that than be in a constant state of rage.

Because I realized that when I get angry, I have to take a moment I'm a very patient person, so it takes a lot to make me angry. But when I finally get angry, I have to sit back and do some self-reflection and really dive into where is this anger stemming from? Is this anger stemming from my sadness? Is it stemming from my frustration?

Is it stemming from me putting expectations on people?

Is it stemming from things that are in my control or things that are not in my control?

Like one moment in my life where I remember being angry and it took a while for me to really dive into it was when my dad died. So my dad passed away from a tragic accident and

It was so tragic to where there weren't really remains to see. And when I tell you the amount of anger that I felt for so long was immeasurable. I mean, in my mind, it was like, okay, my dad was in that prison when I was a little girl. Then he went in and he was in for

almost 15 years, what was it, 13, 14, 15 years around that amount. And then...

Not too long after that, he passes away and he was in the best shape of his life. Well, he was always in shape. He was particular when it came to that, but he was in the best shape of his life. He was healthy. He was in a good state of mind, things like that. And I was talking to him every day. And then just like that, I couldn't reach him one day and I realized something was wrong.

and then we realized what happened. Now, the anger that consumed me ended up being pushed upon everyone, everything. So what did I do? I went into my shell. I also disassociated for about three months. But I went into my shell because

everything felt like it was someone just repeatedly stabbing me in a random place that I didn't even realize I could feel pain at. So in going through all of that and I'll probably do an episode on it because y'all that time could be like a full-fledged movie. even from

his wife at the time repeatedly calling the funeral home to cancel the plans that I had arranged that I was paying for but hey whatever to me having to recall them and say wait what how is something off when y'all it was a whole thing okay it was a whole thing

But the anger, that's what I want to focus on because...

I just could not move past the anger. And that anger caused me to disassociate for three months. And when I tell y'all I fully disassociated, I don't remember anything for three months in a week. So during that time, my friends are like, hey, you know, we took you here. They're showing me pictures. I don't remember a thing.

One of my friends was like, yeah, we partied on a boat. We jumped off the boat. We were swimming in the ocean. I don't recall a thing. I believe them. And they've also shown me pictures, videos. And you can see in the videos, if you look deep in my eyes, you're like, she's not there. She's just going through the motions. And that's exactly what it was. And I remember when I finally

clicked out of it I told myself I would never allow myself to be in that stage or that bit of a rage.

for that long, especially over things that I could not control. My dad was out of state. I had no control over that. Technically, he had no control over it, right? So.

that time period where I look back and I have no memories from that time period because I did not clearly I didn't put no type of memory cues that helped my mind go back to remember it or anything

reflecting on it, really made me shift my mindset. I always thought I was resilient. Well, I always knew I was resilient. I always knew that I was quote unquote a happy person, right?

But it was during that time where I just could not choose to be happy. I could not... It was like I was... I don't even know if I was trying and quite frankly not I think about it.

But I'm glad that no matter what curve balls life has sent me since then, I have not allowed myself to get to that place, to get to such a dark place. It was almost as if that in that moment I decided, okay, I can't take life too seriously. Am I going to go after my goals, focus on being successful?

focus on leaving my children something that they can have later on? Absolutely. But you know what I'm not gonna do? I'm not gonna overstress. And that is something that is not the easiest thing to do.

But that is my goal. My goal is to try not to stress as much because as a single mom, I have to be here as long as possible for my kids to the best of my capabilities. And part of that is I don't want to be like these young people that I hear about in their 20s, in their 30s, in their 40s.

Having heart attacks and then when you talk to their loved ones, they're like, yeah, they have been stressed lately. They've been extremely stressed lately So this holiday season I've really been trying to embrace Just letting things roll off of me now. This is not the easiest thing in the world especially when You have those moments. We all have those moments where we have to deal with things. We don't want to deal with

It's as if we have to understand the importance of not letting others energy or drama affect us. Because let's be real, it's fake people out there. It's people who just thrive off of negativity. Or it's people who feel better when they put people down or when they talk down to other people.

And I know if you're listening to this podcast, that means that you're not one of those people, okay? Because we thrive off of optimism over here.

But in dealing with those type of people, whether it's in your job, maybe it's family members, maybe it's friends who you are phasing out of your life, who you're learning to let them go, or certain people in general who you're phasing out the amount of time that you allot to them.

So I'm learning not to let.

fake people aggravate me or not to let them get under my skin. And I realize it's easier for fake people to get under my skin if it's someone that I have placed expectations on or if it is someone where I expect more from them and they aren't, they're living below the means of my expectations.

Understand that that's when I get my feelings hurt y'all and that is when I really

get annoyed or aggravated and quite frankly irritated. But when it comes to fake people you know what? They don't bother me. I'm getting to a place where fake people don't bother me because that's their problem. I'm cool with staying in my lane, vibing in my peace, and letting them tire themselves out.

Go ahead, tire yourself out. Keep pretending to be something that you're not.

Keep telling yourself whatever you need to tell yourself to make you feel better because your opinion of me is none of my business. You wanna know what is my business? My opinion of me. My children's opinions of me.

That's what's my business. That's what's going to...

make life easier and less stressful on me when I'm not letting them bother me. life is easier when you don't compare yourself with anyone but yourself. I'm in competition with me. I know some of you all have seen the speeches where people are like, hey, I would like to thank me. Yup, that's me all day. I would like to thank myself.

I'm in my own lane, minding my own business, sipping my own water, drinking water and minding my business and thriving.

That is my thing, and I'm cool with that.

It's helped me stay grounded. It's helped me stay focused. And it helps me stay in a place where...

I understand myself more and in understanding myself more I'm able to give myself more grace. I'm able to look in the mirror and not just point out the flaws that I see. Because the world is going to do that regardless. I don't know if y'all been on social media, but social media has a way of pointing out your flaws or trying to market.

to you things that you want to change about yourself.

is gonna tell you all the ways of how you are not.

what society is expected to be.

the way I have been feeling this week, it feels as though my life is for me. Obviously I'm a mother, that means it's for my kids as well. But life is too short for me to be arguing with folks who aren't even in my lane. To be arguing with folks who are playing a different game than what I'm playing.

If you're on the sidelines criticizing, stay there. I'm over here playing my own championship. And I'm playing against myself, which means I'm going to win regardless.

I'm gonna win regardless.

And in doing that, it helps me embrace authenticity. Because it's that authenticity that's gonna help keep my life light and enjoyable through the most difficult time.

So my reminder to you this episode is to keep your life light. It's gonna be heavy regardless. So just try to keep it as light as possible. You give your life the substance, not anyone else, you do.

So find some humor, find some joy.

and whatever's not serving you, let it go.

And that's what I'm telling myself. If it's not serving me, let it go. I'm letting go anything that does not serve my greater good. Period.

So on that note, girl, thank you for sitting with me, okay? I want you to have a beautiful week. This week, I want you to focus on letting things go that is beyond your control.

And on finding a way to laugh in the midst of your pain or in the midst of those down moments, I want you to find some type of light or humor in those moments where we're wondering why is this happening to me. Okay, because you are not alone and we in this together, girl. So have a beautiful week.