Welcome to Turning Lessons into Strengths: Reflecting for Growth

As we approach the end of the year, it’s time to reflect on the lessons we’ve learned and how they’ve shaped us. In this episode, Dom shares personal insights on resilience, adaptability, and turning setbacks into strengths. Learn how to examine your toughest lessons from all angles, turn weaknesses into assets, and embrace the power of reflection to foster personal and professional growth. This episode is a guide to using your challenges as a blueprint for success while focusing on gratitude and positivity.

Whether you’ve faced burnout, navigated major life changes, or struggled to manage time, this episode will inspire you to embrace reflection and look forward with confidence. Tune in to discover the questions you need to ask yourself to close the year with purpose and enter the new one with a growth mindset.

Chapters

• 0:00 Transforming Lessons into Assets
• 1:03 Navigating Burnout and Finding Your Path
• 4:11 The Importance of Resilience and Self-Awareness
• 6:23 Learning from Others and Mentorship
• 8:51 Utilizing Obstacles as Blueprints for Success
• 10:58 The Importance of Reflection for Growth
• 17:51 Guiding Questions for Year-End Reflection
• 18:38 The Power of Personal Journeys
• 21:23 Reflecting for Growth
• 22:37 Finding Your Tribe
• 28:32 Embracing Your True Self

Transcript

Dom (00:00)
What if the toughest lesson you learn this year is actually your secret strength for next year?

want you to take a moment and think of the toughest lesson you had to learn this year and I want you to use the pain and the experience from that lesson to help teach you how to have better resilience and adaptability. Just because you experienced a setback does not mean that it's okay for you to give up.

Think about it, it's the mistakes and the setbacks that often teach us what not to do. That's what's gonna help keep us more informed, because we're gonna research why this didn't work out, or where things went wrong, or what could I have done to make this experience better, or to minimize the likeliness of this happening. And it can potentially increase your confidence for the future. You're like, hey, I've tried this.

The way I tried it didn't work the first time, but this go round, I tweaked a lot of things, I tweaked a couple of things, and I know it's gonna work this time. I feel that it's gonna work this time. That's because that lesson that you learned.

help build your resilience. It helped build that confidence within you. Because it's that knowledge that's gonna work as an asset when you apply it, just so you can avoid not making that same mistake again. Have you ever experienced burnout?

I know I have. When I first graduated from college, my focus was on counseling.

If you're new to this podcast, I'm Dom. I have a couple of psychology degrees. I'm a psychology professor now. Well, not even now, just, I've been doing it for a couple of years now, y'all. But yeah, I know when I first graduated, I went through a little struggle because I wanted to focus on counseling. And as I started to focus on counseling, y'all.

So there's a point in time where you have to do an internship. So you start your internship, you're counseling others, you're offering services to others, things like that. But it's during that time when you really realize if this is something that you want to do, if this is something that you feel as though you can continue to do over the course of a lifetime or however long you plan on working in the field until you choose to retire. Y'all, I got burnt out rather quickly.

And the reason I got burnt out was because one, I wasn't focusing on my mental health while I was helping others through their mental health journeys. Two, I had a therapist at that time because they say every good therapist has an even better therapist.

At first, I wasn't in therapy. Then when I got in therapy, that therapist was not the person for me. They didn't really understand my plight with certain things and our values didn't align. That was when I learned, hey, I'm not going to align with every client, just like I'm not going to align with every therapist. It's the same thing. It's a chain of command.

and we're not all going to align. So the beauty of it, it's important for me to find my tribe. And I just learned that rather recently.

So imagine me going through this about 11 years ago, not really understanding the importance of finding your tribe. I was counseling, but I wasn't offering counseling services to my tribe. And I was receiving therapy, but I wasn't receiving counseling services from someone who would be in my tribe. She didn't look like me. She didn't sound like me.

We had nothing in common. I just knew that when I was in school, in graduate school, the first thing they tell you is, hey, you need to go to therapy. Get some therapy. You're going to need therapy because that's what you're studying. And I got burnt out so quickly. was like, y'all, I'm allergic. Between that and trying to manage my time, I just wasn't feeling it. So what I do, I still continue with my degree, but...

I switched my focus from counseling to the educational side. And even then I still was saying I am never gonna be a professor. I have no interest in teaching. I'm allergic.

But here we are. And if you're a listener, then you already know I teach. So here we are, me being a professor for about six years now. And I love it. It's for me. It's meant for me. But at first during that time period, it felt as though I was failing.

because I was always used to whatever I put my mind to. This is what I'm gonna do. This is my plan. I stick to my plan. Nothing ever deters me. But then here I am finding myself stuck in a position where...

I was really good at what I was doing but I was not satisfied.

And every session I became more and more drained.

So with me learning those lessons, once I got past that, I was able to turn all of those into something powerful because it helped shape who I am. It helped remind me what I can take, what I can't take, what I'm, well, not in can't take, what I'm allergic to. It helped me navigate that system.

So yes, let your toughest lesson be one of your secret strengths.

try to examine that lesson from all angles. I want you to view it as a game of chess. Whatever tough lesson you had to learn this year, we're going to use everything that you've learned from that and I want you to look at it from all angles. Your point of view, another party's point of view, a third party who is from the outside looking in their point of view, look at

all of these different point of views and figure out how the challenges can in turn become your strengths. How what used to be a weakness is no longer a weakness, whether it's through you avoiding it or through you getting better at a skill, whatever it needs to be.

So for my instance, my lesson learned was several years ago about being burnt out.

And that lesson helped me set better boundaries because I know I was struggling with time management as well. I know I was and trying to get as many hours as possible so could get it over with as quickly as possible. Right? But now I'm pretty good with my time management skills. I turned something that I was lacking into something that now I thrive on it.

I'm really good when it comes to time management, when it comes to prioritizing what's important to me, what matters to me, what helps give me energy. I'm pretty good at that now. Now, another thing that we can't forget is empathy and self-awareness. If that lesson caused you to be emotionally hurt,

As you continue to heal, I want you to share your journey. Share your journey. Share.

because there's someone who may be experiencing exactly what you experienced earlier this year right now and they may not be able to see how they can get out of it they may not be able to see

what will behoove them versus what will hinder them. But you sharing your journey, you sharing, hey, I'm not completely healed right now, because technically healing is on a continuum. But you can say, you know what? This is what helped me at least get to where I am today. I may not be able to get you across that bridge. I may not be here along the way as you go across that bridge. But...

I can at least help you get to where I am.

and that's something that good mentors end up doing. Shout out to my mentors. For those of you who don't have them, I always suggest you get mentors. Sometimes your mentors won't even realize that they're your mentors. That's okay too. They don't always have to know it. It's very important for us to realize that we don't have to always learn our lessons the hard way through personal experience.

I would rather learn from other people's experiences versus having to experience certain hurts, certain pains, certain heartbreaks, certain failures through my own experience. I would rather learn through them. That's why I like reading so much. Let me figure out what these folks are doing or how they mess this up. How can I avoid whoot, whoot, whoot?

Why do you think those videos on social media about how to not do, do, do, do, how not to be someone that people run all over, over with, run all over. How not to be.

the person who fails because they lack poor management skills. Those are the videos that go viral on social media all the time.

even for my entrepreneurs out there.

Many entrepreneurs are going to turn their failures into success simply by learning from their mistakes, learning from the mistakes of others. If they are product-based, they're going to improve their products or adjust their strategies, especially for those whose businesses are service-based. They're going to work to adjust those strategies. And all they're doing is basing it off of the lessons that they learned.

from previous ventures and making it better.

That's all they're doing.

So please keep in mind as we begin to shift from 2024 to 2025, it's your obstacles that you have overcome that are now your blueprint for success. Utilize it. Don't let it go to waste.

Dom (10:58)
Taking time to reflect is crucial for personal and professional growth.

We're getting closer to the end of the year and now is our time to reflect for our personal and professional growth. Did you know that studies show that people who reflect regularly on their experiences are 23 % more likely to reach their goals compared to those who don't? Doesn't sound like a lot, but 23%, we're talking about millions.

of people who are more likely to reach their goal than others simply because they take the time to reflect. Use this time as the year is starting to come to an end as we gear up for holiday season. This is the time for you to.

Sit back and reflect. I know for some of you, your businesses are in the fourth quarter, you're working for companies that are in the fourth quarter right now. But remember, this is that time. When you finally get a moment to just breathe and exhale, remember that reflection is going to strengthen your brain's ability to form new connections.

Think about it, to form new connections. So I need you to reflect on not just your mistakes, because sometimes it's easy for us to say, this is what I did wrong. Hey, don't just focus on your mistakes and your challenges. Also focus on your successes. What can you implement again that you implemented for you to become successful in the first place?

because that's what's going to help you develop a growth mindset. We're not here to be pessimistic. This is not the time to be pessimistic and focus on the negative. This is not that time. Holiday season and the end of the year is already stressful enough. It comes with enough stressors. It comes with change, typically. It comes with being around more people than you typically would.

So don't add stress to yourself. Think of it like focusing on the good. We already discussed how to focus on the little things and how to get into these states of gratitude that have the ability to fully reshape your mind.

that has the ability to get your mind from, to shift your mindset from one that may be more negative than you would like to one that is on the more positive side of things. Reflection doesn't mean looking back with regret, because that's not what I'm talking about. I'm allergic to that. Reflection means looking back to recognize how far you've come.

You see how you're listening to this podcast right now? You have come a long way. You've been through so many things that would have taken the average person out, but you're still here. In the words from one of my favorite movies, Antoine Fisher, I'm still standing. I'm still strong. That's you. You're still standing. You're still strong. Even if you don't feel like it, you're still strong. You're moving forward.

And at the end of the day, the day going in, now I'm playing, at the end of the day, that is what's important.

seeing how far you've come, just to remind yourself that you can go so much further than where you are right now. So I want you to think of some questions to kind of help guide your year in reflections, okay? So you can write your answers down, type it in the notes part of your phone, or just as you listen to this, think about it. Okay? So here we go.

Think about what went well this year and why did it go well?

What challenges did you face and how did you overcome them? In what areas did you grow the most this year? That's one of my favorite ones. That's one of my favorite ones. Another one is what have I learned about myself this year? I don't know about you all, but I am constantly evolving. Just like everyone else, we're all constantly evolving. So I want you to think of what you've learned about yourself this year.

And I know there's going to be moments where you may say, hmm, I didn't learn anything about myself this year because I was focused on this person, that person, and woo, woo, woo, woo. And if that is you, if you're that person, then I challenge you to learn something new about yourself before the year is out. Don't matter what it is. Some people don't even know their favorite color.

No matter what it is, how big, how small. Think about what you've learned.

about you though. Focus on yourself. The whole point of this year-end reflection is to focus on ourselves. Think of there may even be habits or behaviors that no longer serve you. What habits or behaviors no longer serve me?

What no longer serves me? I am no longer in my young, young, young adult years. We'll say young three times, because I'm forever young. But I'm no longer in those years, and that's OK. So some of the things that I was able to do back then, like skip gym day for months at a time and things like that, it no longer serves me.

I have a punching bag in my bedroom and I like to punch it. I like to hit it. It's a great workout. I feel so relieved after. I feel like I have de-stressed after I've completed it and it just dawned on me after going to

A boxing class, I really like the box. I really do. It's so therapeutic for me. I would be in my bedroom hitting my punching bag until I cried. And I'm not a big cry, so it takes a lot. But I would keep going until whatever I'm feeling subconsciously starts to come out.

And once it comes out, I'm still, I just keep going until I can't anymore.

And once I do that, by that time I'm sweaty, I'm very chocolate if you haven't seen me before, so I am like glistening. So I take a shower and by the time I finish taking a super duper hot shower like scorching hot water, I feel so relaxed.

And it wasn't until this week that I really realized this is just something that I like to do. It is one of my hobbies now. So I'm going to encourage you to pause this episode and take three minutes to write down responses to one of the two questions that I asked earlier. What went well this year and why? What challenges did you face? How did you overcome it?

What have you learned about yourself this year? What areas do you need to grow in? What habits or behaviors no longer serve me?

And the most powerful question you can ask yourself as you close this year is,

Who am I becoming? Do I like who I'm becoming? When I look in the mirror,

And I say self.

I'm proud of you. Do I mean it? Can I look myself in the mirror, and feel pride?

and feel love because self-love is just as important as love from others, if not more important. My love for myself needs to be unconditional. I'm not perfect, none of us are. Our love for ourselves should be unconditional. So who am I becoming and do I like who I have become?

Dom (18:38)
I've decided to let my journey be my own story. And I want my story to become a guiding star for others. Mentorship is so important. If you don't have a mentor, then I suggest you go find one.

Seek out someone who has skills and aspects that you know you would like to grow in that you have seen that.

that you want to grow in.

think of someone who is where you want to be as far as your career-wise or as far as...

how you want your family to look or.

Think of your mentor as a model for you. You don't have to wear the clothes the exact same way that the model has it on. You may like one piece from it, from this model, one piece from that model. And that may inspire you to grab a piece here, grab a piece there, and when you put it together, you have something that is perfect for you. Personally, I have several mentors, and some of them don't even realize that they are my mentors.

Now research lets us know that people with mentors are about 70 % more likely to reach their career goals. These are the individuals who are going to feel more satisfied with their personal development. And that is the goal. As we reflect during this transition towards the end of the year, the last quarter of the year,

This is our time to figure out how we this is our time to figure out what can we do to feel more satisfied.

professionally, personally, emotionally, mentally, physically.

What can we do or what is something that you can emulate or what is something that you can add?

Or what is something that you can do to get yourself to be one step closer to feeling more satisfied? For me, it's boxing again.

That's one of the things and being in the gym and writing poetry and I'm doing things that help me get back to who I am. Things that help me get back to who Dom is as a person. And that is the goal.

That is a goal. I have a friend who does this really cool thing. So every year she creates a new hashtag or kind of think of it like a tagline for yourself. She creates a new one that aligns with the person that she wants to be or the type of growth that she wishes to make that year. For instance,

It may be hashtag year, year of the becoming or hashtag reflect to grow

So I want you to use two hashtags. One will be hashtag reflect to grow. And the second one will be hashtag girl come sit with me. Okay.

Those are the two hashtags I want you to do once you share on social media.

Just as having a mentor is pivotal in our growth, I want you to value your tribe the same way you value your mentor.

Okay? Think about it.

Having a supportive tribe or social network or your core people who always root, who always cheer you on, that can increase your sense, that can increase your sense of belonging and happiness by over 20%.

And that's because finding your tribe is more than just finding friends. It's discovering the people who hold mirrors up to the best parts of you.

It's that person in your background that's reminding you that everything's going to be okay.

Those individuals who are reminding you that you are not alone. Those individuals who you can call in the middle of the night because you are emotional as heck.

These are the ones where they may text you mental health check. And even in a moment where all you can put is help,

they will call you or they will run to you or find a way to reach you to check on you see how you're doing even when they know that you're the strong friend your tribe are the ones who are going to remember hey even though you're the strong friend they still understand that you're still human you're still someone who is well deserving of feeling as though you're understood feeling as though you belong

Right?

This is going to be the people who you call and you are sobbing. You call them, you are sobbing. They can barely understand a word you're saying. And right when you're crying and you're in the middle of apologizing them because you know it's the middle of the night, they're just like, I don't care.

I'm just gonna throw some clothes on and hit your way and make sure that you're okay.

People like that are your tribe. Sometimes we're so focused on specific individuals for whatever reason.

We end up missing the people who have shown us time and time again that they're there and they care. They genuinely care about your well-being.

Summer flat down holds us people alive.

go through one of things that I like to do is every year, well not even every year, probably like every other year, I would reassess those around me as well. So I would mentally, I'm not gonna tell them, girl your friendship about this fire let me see, I don't know, it may inspire if you don't pass this mental checklist, I don't do that.

When I was going through my dark time last year,

I had enough time to just lay in bed. Not even, I didn't really have enough time. It more so as though I just, it took everything in me to get out of bed. And in those moments, I was able to sit back and reflect.

And it really allowed me to see who's in my corner, who's really rooting for me. Who's rooting for me because they care and who's just doing it out of habit or who is pretending to do it.

And they're outwardly doing it, but then when I'm around them, it's a different type of energy. It's something different. Almost as if they're pretending to be there for me or being there for me because of what they think they need. Because of what they think they can get out of.

it was during those times I was able to appreciate those in my corner significantly more.

So as we look in the mirror and reflect on.

the individual looking back at us.

I want you to think about who you're becoming.

Identify who you are in this moment and then decide who do you want to become.

But coming is about letting go of who you thought you were supposed to be and embracing who you truly are meant to be. It's about having those breakthrough moments where you stop living for everyone else's applause.

and you stop living to please others.

And you stop living to make others comfortable?

and start living for your own.

and start living for yourself.

What do you want to do? Who do you want to be?

Who do you want to see looking back at you when you look in the mirror?

We already know you're beautiful. The world knows you're beautiful. Lord knows I'm beautiful.

But who are you becoming?

What's the trajectory of your life? What trajectory are you giving yourself as your destiny?