Welcome to Breaking Free: Who’s Really Controlling Your Mind & How to Take It Back

 "Who’s really in control of your mind? In this empowering episode of Girl, Come Sit With Me, we dive deep into the influences that shape our thoughts and behaviors—often without us even realizing it. Whether it’s societal pressures, family expectations, or internal doubts, these forces can dictate how we live, limiting our potential and peace. 

But here’s the good news: you can take your mind back. 

Join me as we uncover practical strategies to reclaim your mental freedom, break free from the chains of external control, and regain power over your life. It’s time to choose your thoughts, shape your reality, and own your time. Let’s break free, together." 

Transcript

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I was at this beautiful hotel looking good, I might add, and yet I couldn't enjoy myself because my mind was elsewhere. It was so apparent. My friend had to tell me to put my phone away and leave my stresses at the door. Did you know that the average person spends 47% of their waking life thinking about something other than what they're doing? Think of what you could accomplish if you controlled your thoughts instead of letting them control you. Whoever controls your time controls your mind. I'll say it again. Whoever controls your time controls your mind. If you control your mind, then you control your time. If you want to reclaim your life, start by reclaiming your thoughts and reexamining how you spend your time. Welcome to Girl Come Sit With Me. This is your safe space for untold stories, personal growth, and embracing the journey of life. With a background in psychology and a passion for healing, I explore topics like divorce, greed, motherhood, and personal transformation, sharing my experiences and poems along the way. So thanks for joining the Dom show. But do note this isn't just a podcast. It's a Viber community where women come together to support, inspire, and uplift each other. Here, we're creating a nurturing environment for sharing, connecting, and empowering one another. So expect to get real and raw. We're gonna learn some things, heal from some things, and laugh about a whole lot of things. So come sit with us, girl. Let's embark on this journey of self discovery, healing, and growth together. In our shared space, every voice is valued and together, we're stronger. Imagine if for 24 hours, everything that you did, you gave it a 100% of your focus. I mean, you did not let your mind go astray. Your mind was only focused on the task at hand, whatever the task may be that entire day. There's so many things that we do on autopilot. It causes us to not remember what we're doing or that it's even completed. I know there's plenty of times I cannot be the only one where you notice, hey, did I do that? Did I make that list? Wait. Did I complete that task for work? And then you're like, oh, you know what? I did. I did. I did do that. Wow. I don't even remember doing that. I don't even remember creating that spreadsheet. That's because your mind was elsewhere. It may seem as if that's not a big deal as long as you're getting done what needs to get done, but there's plenty of experiences that are supposed to be rooted in pleasure. How many times have you been in the middle of being intimate with someone? You're thinking about your grocery list or you're thinking about things that needs to get done around the house or you're thinking well, depending on where it is, you may also be thinking, woah. I hope we don't get caught in this location. Right? But, Jen, how much but imagine how much more pleasurable that experience can be if you're able to be fully in it. Think of how our bodies respond when we're not fully invested during intimacy. The blood flow may not reach where it needs to reach, or the moistness may not reach where it needs to reach, and that's not fair to you or them. You deserve to be able to focus on whatever task you are completing or engaging in at that time. Not only will the experience be more pleasurable, but it will also be more memorable, more explosive. And I'm convinced everybody needs explosive pleasure. Now personally, I like to have power hours. I make a list of the work that needs to get done, and I make sure that my list is a checklist where I can check a box every time I complete something on it, or I'll cross out an item as soon as I get it done. Now the only reason I'm doing this is to trick my brain into releasing one of my favorite hormones, dopamine. Yes. Dopamine. If you get satisfaction from completing your to do list, 9 times out of 10 is because your brain is releasing dopamine, which is responsible for feelings of happiness, pleasure, and motivation. When it comes to controlling our mind and making better uses of our time, motivation is vital. That is why when I was a success coach, one of my first goals was to establish that individual's big goal. What is their main goal or their end goal? Or some of you may call it a dream. What is the dream that you have? Once I get an idea of what that dream is, what that specific lifestyle will look like for that person, then I like to work with my clients to break it down and turn this dream into a series of small attainable goals. So each time a milestone is achieved, we will cross it out and celebrate. The small wins kinda serve as a reminder that we're moving in the right direction. It's the driving force of our motivation. So by the time the motivation starts to dwindle in between those goals, you have already completed that next mini goal. So this is going to keep encouraging you to keep going onto the next goal, onto the next one. Okay. I did this. Yay. Time to get some Publix cake, some HEB cake depending on where you're located in the US. We need to celebrate this. And we have to celebrate because motivation is key. For all of my procrastinators out there, you are most likely procrastinating because there is a lack of motivation, or the motivation does not kick in until you are close to that due date or close to that deadline. And that deadline being right at your heel, that is what is motivating you to finally get this work done even if you knew about this assignment a day ago, a month ago, weeks ago, however long that time frame may be. So now what I'm gonna challenge all the procrastinators out there, I'm gonna challenge you all to find another type of motivation even if it's a motivation that you have to give yourself. So let's say you have an assignment at work. It needs to be done within 30 days. You have 30 days to complete it. Now instead of waiting until day 28, 29 for some of you, I am going to challenge you to find something else to motivate yourself at the halfway mark to get it done. So your goal is to get that whatever it is, that task or project done within half of the time frame that is given to you. For me, personally, I really, really, really, really love cake. I am a foodie at heart. Don't let the size fool you. Okay? And that's what motivates me. So I may find a new restaurant in Houston to go to and say, you know what? I'm not gonna treat myself to this unless I complete this goal within this amount of time or unless I complete this task within this amount of time. And I make sure that the parameter that I give myself is not last minute. I'm not a big procrastinator now that I'm older. Actually, no. I've never really been a procrastinator, but there are times where I'm just being lazy. Where I'm just being lazy, and I just don't wanna do it. And then once the deadline, like, deadline comes, I'm like, okay. Let me get it done. And then I complete the task. However, in this instance, when I would do that, instead of me being lazy and waiting until my deadline, I'll be lazy up until it gets close to that goal point that I give myself. So that way I can still go to that new restaurant that I may want to go to for a restaurant that I like to treat myself to, and it mode it gives me enough motivation to get it done because every time I've gone, the food has been amazing. It's this place called 13. It's a restaurant in Houston. It's owned by James Harden. It is not necessarily an inexpensive restaurant, So I like to consider it as a treat when I go because I eat a lot. So when I go, I end up every single time spending money. But it's worth it because I know when I go, I've completed this task that I knew I would have been lazy with getting it done and I would have waited until the deadline. So in this case, I feel as though I pretty much deserve to get this treat. So for my power hour, once I have a checklist, I set a timer for an hour and I put my phone far away from me. I make sure it's in a place where I have to physically get up and walk to the other room just to get my phone. This way it helps to minimize the distractions. So depending on the task at hand, sometimes I may have music playing in my background. I'm really big on music, whether it's jazz or r and b, whatever type of music you like. If you're able to focus or if that helps you hone into your task at hand and still allows you to give whatever you're doing a 100% of your focus, then I definitely suggest you having that in your background just to kinda relax your mind and center your mind. Center yourself because that helps as well. So since I'm minimizing distractions and prioritizing my tasks, now my concentration is through the roof. I'm an early bird. So my favorite time to have a power hour is early in the morning when I wake up before my children. I usually wake up about 2, 3 hours before my children every morning, and this is what helps me get my day started. It helps me feel rejuvenated and accomplished by the time I have to wake my babies up for school or whatever our day has in store for us. And with my mind being clear, it's almost as if I have more space to focus on my children and aid them in getting the best start to their day as possible. I want their days to get started on the right foot even if they're still half asleep and they're just moaning and groaning. Right? Even if I'm hearing that, I still am able to see past that and tailor my actions to each one of my children because they have 2 totally different personalities. So it helps when I can tailor how I'm waking each one of them up to make sure that their day is getting to a nice start. One of them, my oldest, I can tickle him and it will bring his day to a great start even if he woke up cranky, sleepy, whatever. However, my baby on the other hand, no. That's not mm-mm. I have to give him all the little rubs and kisses and hold him and sing the song that I made for him. And that's what's going to help get him in a better mood if he woke up on the wrong side of the bed. But think about it. Me allowing myself to have that me time and still be able to feel as though, oh, snap. I already had a power hour, and my day has barely gotten started. I was able to get this, this, this, x y z completed before my children's day even started. And for those of you who are parents, I know you completely understand what it's like when you have to rush to wake your children up. You're rushing yourselves. It's a scene of chaos, loving chaos as I would call it. And I realized that that's not how I want to start my day. My days go so much smoother when I feel freer. And the better I feel, the better my children feel. Because for certain, they get the better part of me when I am at my best. I can help them more when I have already helped myself, meaning I've done my power hour. I've had my long little shower. I have brushed my teeth so my breath isn't kicking for my babies. When I wake them up like, good morning. And it's just like, woo, mama. So the stronger my mind is, the better I feel. That's why I pride myself on being optimistic internally. When things go awry, I remind myself try not to sweat the things beyond my control. I cannot control the actions of others, but I can control my reactions. I actively choose not to allow too many things to bring my blood pressure up. I'm allergic. And you know what else I'm allergic to? You not leaving a review on Apple Podcasts, of course. Feel free to pause this episode, leave a rating, and a quick review. Oh, don't forget to press play again. Now it is easy to become victims to our thoughts, but according to neuroscience, this does not have to be the case. Our brain can adjust to trauma and it can rewire toxic thoughts and patterns. But we have to be self motivated. Now go that word again. We have to be self motivated enough to do it. That's literally the definition of neuroplasticity. So I'll give you all an example. I remember bits and pieces of grieving the loss of my dad. It was so painful. I was a young adult. It was so painful. I don't fully remember the first three months after my dad passed. I remember planning his services. So I remember planning his services with my mom, but I do not remember 3 months after that. After the service up until 3 months after, it escapes me completely. I was mentally, emotionally, and physically sick. So much so, I had to take a semester off from school because I couldn't tell you if I was coming or going. I had sunk into a deep depression. To this day, my family and friends have memories with me during that time when they would take me out so they can make me feel better. They have pictures with me during that time and I don't remember a thing. Mind you, I was doing cool things like jumping off of boats in the middle of the ocean with no vest on, you know, typical Miami stuff, running a marathon in Orlando for breast cancer, all types of random stuff that I know I did because I trust the stories of my friends and family. I just can't recall most of those memories from that time. Once I finally got from under my depression, I remember promising myself that I would do anything in my power to not be depressed ever again. I've got deeper into psychology and research how to never be depressed again. Now if that worked or not, who knows? Time will tell. I was also looking up things like how to trick my body into releasing more or less of certain hormone. I know as a result to pessimistic thinking patterns, our bodies release excess cortisol, which is the stress hormone. Too much Cortisol creates room for excessive worrying, guilt, anger, and resentment. Again, I'm allergic. These negative thoughts is what's gonna send our body down a rabbit hole of chemical reactions that pretty much depletes our serotonin levels. We need serotonin because that is our happy hormone. It helps with our mood, emotions, sleep. There's a reason some antidepressant there is a reason some antidepressants help increase serotonin levels. As I grew to understand my body and my mind, I was able to gain better control of my mind. Using my mind for my greater good. I think, therefore, I am. Life is going to life, but as long as I understand the lane that set out for me, or should I say the lane that I set out for myself, I can go over those speed bumps a little happier. I'm not gonna be as miserable as I would be if I feel as though I don't know where I'm going. If I feel as though I have no plan or no vision for myself. It isn't the events in life that changes us emotionally. It's our perception and the way we view those things in life. Do I break sometime? Absolutely. But every time I rebuild myself, redefine myself, reshape my mindset, I come out just as beautiful if not more beautiful. Almost like those beautiful art pieces. Not sure if any of you have been to Art Basel in Miami or like to go to museums and art galleries, but it's just like those beautiful art pieces we see that have that sign that says made from recycled materials. And before you even see that sign, you're just looking at this beautiful and incredible work of art, not realizing that the pieces that was made, the material that was used to create this phenomena that you see in front of you is recycled. It was used already. It's been remodeled, redone, reborn. So whoever controls our mind, whether it's external influences or internal beliefs, ultimately controls how we spend our time. Think about who or what controls your mind. Is it social media? Are you in a toxic relationship? And relationships can be romantic relationships, friendships, relationships with family members. Is it a controlling person that's controlling your mind? Is it your limited beliefs? Is it God? Is it you? Is it a combination of a few? Who is it? Keep in mind, as we tackle taking control of our mind, I must remind you that we cannot control our intrusive thoughts, but we can tailor these thoughts by changing our mindset. My thoughts may not necessarily be in my complete control, but I can control how I respond to those thought. Let's think about it. We see this when we meditate. I meditate every single morning. Even if it's just for a few minutes, I try to allowed I try to award myself that time to get centered before I start my day. And you wanna know what happens as I meditate? Those intrusive thoughts kick in. Okay? So I may say, you know what? I'm telling myself throughout meditation, internally telling myself, hey. This is your day. Today is going to be a beautiful day. You have can you have more control than you think. You are more important than you think you are. You are beautiful. You are deserving of a beautiful day. No matter what comes your way, you're going to just you're just gonna shake it off or let it roll right off of you. No negativity is gonna stick to you. Oh, but you know what is also going through my mind in the middle of those beautiful thoughts? As I say my personal affirmations, did my did I just hear my son roll out of bed? What was that? Oh, okay. His foot kicked the wall. Cool beans. Or or this one gets me all the time. So I know I have to be at this place at this time. Even if I've already established my timeline for the day, I can be in the middle of, you are so beautiful, Dom. And my next thought will literally be something like, okay, girl. If we wake these kids up, like, 30 minutes earlier, we can leave the house 30 minutes early just so we can run to the park, play for 10 minutes right up the street before I drop them off the daycare and school. I think they'll like that. Oh, well, we'll see because if that baby of mine wake up cranky, it's always the second born. Oh, barnacles. I'm meditating. Back to me. Focus on me. Focus on me. And then it just goes down a rabbit hole. Or even all of the different things that is in the news right now. I try not to watch too much of the news, but even with everything that's in it, sometimes those things find their way of randomly working itself into my thoughts. They just pop up like those random pop ups back in the day that people would get on their Myspace page. It'll be like that. And I have to recenter myself. I have to regain controls. I have to regain control. With me understanding this, I have a bigger appreciation for awareness because awareness is always step 1 for anything. And the moment I became more aware of putting myself first, cheering myself on, and champion myself just as much as I champion others, that was the moment I decided to change my thought and kind of steer my thoughts into the direction that will serve me. That's the main thing. Just stare my thoughts into the direction that serves me because I realized I was not the one steering my life. It was the expectations of others, and I had to remind myself and understand that I deserve better. I can create my own expectations for myself based on my morals, my values, what I want out of life. And now we turn the page to a space where words take flight and emotions find their voice. Welcome to our poetry corner, where each verse caresses the soul and each line dances in the moonlight. So take a deep breath, let the rhythm guide you, and immerse yourself in the power of poetry. Here's a piece from my heart to yours. The words are caving in on me. My thoughts rising, saddening my reality. I feel the negativity clawing up my legs as I look around calling on God with a beg. This can't be my life right now. Not now. Not ever. I thought I was too clever to be here again. Drowning in my thoughts, I had to swim for my life. Stroke past the insecurities, stroke past the embarrassment, breathe in some light. Stroke past the anger, stroke past the insecurities, breathe in some light. Exhaling doubt, breathing in self realization, exhaling imposture syndrome, breathing in reassurance. Repeating this until I remembered who I am. As I swam back to shore, I can feel the wetness of unwanted thoughts. I didn't look back. No time to explore. I have everything ahead of me, waiting for me to catch up to the power within me. That poem was called swimming through shadows. Thank you for checking it out. Now when I wrote that poem, I remember the space that I was in mentally. I can't give you an exact date, but I remember the space that I was in. And it was just filled with self doubt and not trusting myself to make certain decisions. I was just not trusting the decisions I could make because of where my life was at that moment. I was in a state of deep reflection, and I've never been one to run from understanding my role in something and self reflection. I've never been one to run from both of those. So in that moment, it felt as though I had made some decisions years ago that did not play out the way I expected to where I am today, and I just was not a fan of it. And it really put me in a space of, am I making the right decisions? Am I even thinking of all of the different variables with each decision? It was truly affecting the game of life. It's almost like when you're a really great chess player, but you're playing chess with someone who you know you can beat but for whatever reason your confidence is just not there that day or maybe that person got into your mind and psyched you out. So now you're questioning where you like to move. And I knew that if I stayed in that place, I could not get to my winning season. I could not get to my next winning season. So I just wrote whatever was on my heart and I felt significantly better after. It was like I had to regain control of my mind and reshape the possibilities and remind myself that there are endless possibilities. Like, hey, girl. You can trust yourself. And during that season, that was my was one of my affirmations. And every now and then, I still make sure I slip that affirmation into my morning meditation. Trust yourselves. Trust yourself. Or I'll look in the mirror and say, I trust me. I trust me to make the right decision for myself and my children. Now there's times where you may feel like you're losing control as if your mind is so crowded with an array of various thoughts and worries and ideations, but you are not alone. And this is not a losing battle. Comment a specific time when you lost control, and then I also want you to comment, what did you do to gain control again? And if you aren't in a space, if you're listening to this on your commute to work or in the car, the next person you talk to, the next friend you talk to, ask them, hey, when was it when was the time you lost control? When was the last time you lost control? What helped you regain control? Because there's so many different avenues we can take to regain control of our mind. It's just that we have to explore them or sometimes we have to be educated on them. So you talking to a loved one, they may share a way that you never even thought of or vice versa. So for me, when I feel like that, I remind myself to be more mindful, allow some of these thoughts to be released. Recently, my big cousin bought me a burn book y'all, and it asked certain questions and I answer them as honestly as humanly possible. I only do this when I have some me time so that way there's nothing that can hinder me writing down my true thoughts. So sometimes I read what I wrote and sometimes I don't. But one thing is guaranteed, I'm ripping that page out of that burn book and I'm burning it. And it doesn't have to necessarily be me writing down the deepest things. Granted, I may write something that I already know that I'm taking to the grave. Or I may write something as simple as, wow. You know what? I really didn't like that. Or, you know what? I did have a lot of fun or that was wild. I was wilding when I did that. And I know it. And since I know no one will ever see it, I'm more willing to write down the God honest truth. Because guess what? I'm not gonna see it again. Release it. I burn it and release it with my purple lighter. So the explosion of freedom that I feel once I do that is unmatched. It's almost as if it is giving me closure that I may not get otherwise. Have you ever had a moment where you're reassessing a situation and you realize, you know what? I'm not gonna get closure on this. How many of us have had experiences with other people and experience with someone where you would love to get closure even if it is the end of that friendship or that relationship. You would love to get closure, but you know the other party is not going to give you the closure that you need. They're just not going to do that. Or you may have a situation where you had an experience and the other party, you don't know the other party or you no longer have access to them, maybe they passed away. Whatever the situation may be, you know that they cannot give you closure whether it's on purpose or not on purpose. Exactly. We've all had that type of well, I won't say we all. I'm not putting that on everybody because I hope that no one has to go through that, but I can say for me, I have had that experience and writing things down in my journal, journaling basically or using this new burn book that my cousin got me, it helps give me the closure that I needed. Because think about it, closure is for us. Sometimes the closure doesn't even help the other party. So between my burn book and reframing my negative thoughts, I'm able to take back control of my mind. So instead of saying I'm not good enough, try, I'm growing and learning every day. Instead of saying, dang, I can never be as successful as them, Try. I'm on my own journey to success, and I am more than capable of getting where I want to be in life. And while we're here in this space, let's remember to be girls girls. There is no point in comparing ourselves to others. Use their success as motivation, not competition. You are amazingly you just like I'm amazingly me. We both deserve peace, love, joy, respect, attention, right, and so much more. So let's remain in a constant practice of champion others, cheering others on, seeing ourselves in others. Alright, girl? I need you to believe in your ability to reshape your life and your mind as much as I do. Now is the time to change your thought processes. Make the conscious decision to be more aware and mindful and so that as you cognitively restructure, you see the difference quicker because controlling the mind means you can control your time and controlling your time means you can control your mind. Say this with me. Repeat after me. I am the author of my thoughts and the driver of my mind. The minute you decide to change your thinking, you open the door to a life that is controlled by you. So thanks for tuning in. Have a beautiful day, and I'll see you at the next episode.