Welcome to Girl, Come Sit With Me: Embracing Vulnerability in a Safe Space."

In this debut episode of Girl, Come Sit With Me, we dive deep into the transformative power of vulnerability, self-discovery, and personal growth, particularly through the lens of relationships and family dynamics. Join me, Dom, as I share personal stories and insights that highlight the importance of being authentic, embracing self-worth, and finding healing in life’s challenges.

Through heartfelt storytelling, I explore how vulnerability plays a crucial role in personal growth and the development of genuine connections with others. We’ll discuss how family dynamics shape our understanding of ourselves and the world around us, and how embracing authenticity frees us from seeking external validation.

Key Takeaways:

• Vulnerability as a Catalyst for Growth: By embracing our vulnerability, we open the door to personal growth, building lasting connections and self-understanding.
• Building Self-Worth: True self-worth is built through self-acceptance and self-validation, not from the approval of others.
• The Power of Relationships: Healthy relationships thrive on mutual trust and understanding, and these bonds can deeply influence our personal growth journey.
• Family Dynamics Influence Perceptions: The way we interact with our family shapes our worldview and experiences, but we can redefine these dynamics through self-awareness.
• Authenticity is Liberating: Living authentically allows us to break free from the pressures of external validation and embrace who we truly are.
• Storytelling Fosters Connection: Sharing our personal stories can not only help others but also lead to our own healing and self-discovery.
• Pain is Temporary, Growth is Lasting: Painful experiences are temporary, but the growth that comes from them is long-lasting and transformative.
• Choosing Happiness is a Conscious Act: Happiness is not something that happens to us, but a choice we make every day, regardless of circumstances.
• Mental Health is a Priority: Navigating life’s challenges requires prioritizing mental health, as it is the foundation for healing and personal growth.

This episode sets the stage for the meaningful conversations we’ll continue to have on Girl, Come Sit With Me. Whether you're seeking inspiration, healing, or simply a sense of community, this is a safe space where vulnerability is embraced, and personal stories become the bridges that connect us all. Tune in and discover how choosing to be authentic and embracing your journey can lead to lasting personal transformation. 

Transcript

Hey, what if I told you that your greatest strength lies in your vulnerability? No one can use my life stories against me, because I stand in my truth from the moments I'm proud of, like publishing a poetry book during undergrad years, becoming a mom, all these beautiful moments, but there's also moments I'm not proud of, like some of my reactions to certain things. I remember telling this little girl off of interrupting my presentation during Show and Tell by yelling, Hey, your dad's not in college. He's in jail. Needless to say, no one got recessed that day because I shut the whole classroom down. Or that time I base myself on a date. That's a story for another day, but even when people try to take advantage of you for opening up and sharing your story or your testimony, remember the power and the significance and vulnerability. Welcome to girl. Come sit with me. This is your safe space for untold stories personal growth and embracing the journey of life with a background in psychology and a passion for healing, I swear topics like divorce, grief, motherhood and personal transformation, sharing my experiences and poems along the way. So thanks for joining the DOM show. But do note, this isn't just a podcast, it's a vibrant community where women come together to support, inspire and uplift each other. Here we're creating a nurturing environment for sharing, connecting and empowering one another. So expect to get real and raw. We gonna learn some things, heal from some things, and laugh about a whole lot of things. So come sit with us. Girl, let's embark on this journey of self discovery, healing and growth. Together in our shared space, every voice is valued, and together we're stronger. So hi, I am DOM a psychology professor, a podcaster now a success coach, a sister, cousin, auntie, friend, former wife, all of that. So I used to help women build their self esteem, heal from life, life and and impact them to live a more fulfilling life within a 12 month span. However, now I'm focusing on me rebuilding e I preached to my college students the importance of taking care of yourself. First I noticed and have studied that in the more healed I am and the better I feel, the more of a positive impact I can make on others. Now, personally, I am a kind, loving and happy person who smiles a lot. And when I tell you, I smile a lot, I like to smile with all of my teeth showing, okay, it's been like that since I was a little girl, and I like to smile because, one it's natural. It makes me feel good. And I also like bringing a smile to other people. We never know when we are the only person that has showed kindness to someone else, right? And that kindness can be something as simple as smiling at them. You don't even have to say a word. Do you know how many times I've smiled at people and they turn around, they look behind them like you smile at me, and I just look at them smiling. I may wave or something, and I was like, Oh, your face just made me smile, and before you know it, they are then smiling as well. It's kind of like my good deed of the day. Only difference is this good deed is rather selfish, because seeing other people smile makes me smile more. So now I'm smiling and they're smiling. Now smiling at them. They're smiling back at me for making them smile, and now smiling even harder because I'm just happy that they're we're not just this is a no judgment zone, okay? I'm allergic to judgment. Now, not everybody understand and gets it that I like to be happy and that I choose happiness things like that, right? So not everyone's going to understand that. And some people think that it's phony as hell. Some people think that I am phony as hell, until they get to know me, of course, because a lot of times, or I won't say, a lot of times, I don't like projecting negativity. What I will say is that sometimes people are going to project how they feel onto you, or things that they're not accustomed to seeing onto you. So someone may say what, no one can smile all the time. No one is naturally that kind. No one is naturally that happy, but jokes on them. Little do they know my happiness is my choice. It's easy for me to slip into depression again or give into the darkness, but I make a conscious decision and a daily choice not to I choose not to be sad Now, granted, some days are easier than others. Dollars, right? It's definitely not as easy as it sounds. Some mornings, I'm up waiting for the sun to say hello, staring at my babies as they sleep peacefully, and I'm praying for the energy to make this day go as smooth and be as joyous for us as possible. Okay, so all while, mind you all while I'm actively and continuously training my mind to not dwell on past things I have no control over. So if any of you have ever studied psychology, or if you ever studied the mind, it's interesting because we can train our mind, we can train our mindset, we can train how think, right. May not be able to train how you feel, but you can train how you think so personally. So there is a little trick that I personally like to do, and I used to suggest it to my clients. And every now and then my students will contact me. They may be going through things, need resources, etc, and I suggest this to them as well. So what I like to do is, if I'm having a negative thought that does not serve me, meaning it does not serve my greater good, so if I'm having a thought that is not serving my greater good, it's being and that thought is being counterproductive or bringing me down unnecessarily, right? Unnecessarily bringing me down. Then I am going to stop myself every time I have that thought. So first, I'm going to train myself to even acknowledge when I have a particular thought. So let's see. All right, I'll give you an example. So today, my nails are I cut all of my nails really short. They're usually naturally long, and I cut them really short all because I broke two I impulsively cut them all off, right? I was like, bump this. I'm cutting all of them off. So now, with them being this short, I am a little self conscious about it. So all day today, every time someone looked at my nails, I was like, or if it looked like they looked at my hands. I try to cover them up, or someone to be talking to me, and I'll notice that I'm covering them up simply because my mind is like, girl, you need to hide them. Fingers. Those are not those fingers don't look feminine, right?
So every time I have that negative thought today, I did what I usually do with any other thought, one I acknowledge, hey, is this that thought again? And once you train yourself to under to understand or acknowledge when you're having this negative thought, eventually you'll be able to not only stop it after you have it the thought, but you'll start stopping it in the middle of it. So the moment I'm just like, Oh, I think they're looking at my nails. So soon as I start to I think they're looking I'm automatically telling myself, hey, no, this thought is not serving my greater good. Now, sometimes there are certain things that are on my mind that simply are on my mind because it's just a negative habit to have that thought, and for those, those are the stronger concepts that we need to break down. So my way of breaking them down is simply, I like to think of my favorite song. So you can think of your favorite song, and I'm talking about a song that only brings you joy, no matter what type of song it is. Right. Want you to think of a song that only brings you joy and you it needs to be a song that you know the words to okay girl like, at least know the words to friend. So make sure you know the words to it. For me, it used to be this little Wayne verse where he pretty much narrates in the verse how he met this young lady, how they had this long conversation. And in the verse he says her part and his part it's really cool on wordplay, so I would do that. But lately I've been stuck on by Erica Badu and Andre 3000 I'm in love with you. Is it No? Is it No, not. Andre 3000 Erica Badu and one of the Marley sons, and that song's been stuck in my head. So every time I have negative thought, I think I'm in love with you, I'm in love with you, and I will instantaneously stop myself from having that thought. Now, mind you, that thought is still going to keep popping up, and every time that song, every time that thought pops up, I'm going to keep singing the song. So eventually my brain is going to understand, hey, it's no point in me having this thought, because she's gonna start singing this song that I used to love that is now starting to annoy me, right? So then in time, in due time, instead of having that thought, I'll just find where that song just pops into my head at a moment where I may be self conscious about my nails, and it'll just naturally pop into my mind and that distracts me. It's kind of like when we redirect toddlers. So instead of chastising them, you redirect them to a new task. It's the same thing with your brain. Your brain operates the same way. So that is exactly what I do. So for me, when it comes to people thinking like, you know, they see me and they say, oh, they'll never know what I've been through, because I don't look like what I've been through. And that is the goal. We don't need to look like what we've been through, because for us to be here today and in this moment, that mean we've already made it through. That mean we are still making it through. We're continuously we're in that phase of making it through, it right? I don't let it get to me, even though they don't see the sad days. But that doesn't mean that I need to broadcast those down days or those days where I'm not feeling my best, I don't need to broadcast it to everyone that thinks that, oh, she's not happy all the time like, Oh, let me prove them right, so they could appreciate my smile more. No, decide, and I choose to align myself with those who understand me, because my people are for me, no matter who that person is, if they understand me, they may be for me and vice versa. Okay? When it comes to another thing that helps me, when it comes to those down moments, I try to eat my sorrows, in a sense, right? So by that, I mean I allow myself to admit the sorrows are there, which is acknowledgement, then I place them on my tongue by allowing myself to feel however I'm feeling. Sometimes you just got to taste the pain, feel the pain, appreciate those flavors. Because, guess what, it's not going to last forever, because when we eat something, we put it in our mouths, we chew it and we swallow. So guess what, I will swallow and eat my sorrow. Okay, and when I say eating, I'm telling you or reminding myself that this is just temporary pain. Pain is temporary unless you were in band or in the military, and they tell you, pain is weakness, leaving the body okay, it is. But I simply am reminding myself that these negative feelings and these rough days and these hard patches aren't gonna last forever. Okay, so this helps on days where my grief or thinking about my divorce, or making sure I'm the best mother I can be, making sure, think about it as a college professor, I have these minds in my hands, meaning I have the capability of making an impact on them, so I have to make sure that I am in the best place as possible, mentally, okay. So as someone who studied psychology for over a decade and taught psychology at the collegiate level for several years now, self accountability and vulnerability and being real and raw has been my superpower. I was born and raised in Miami, and later went to school in Miramar. I have lived in Houston for for the last eight years, and y'all, I loved it. Houston was great, even though, while I was living there full time, instead of going back and forth, I was like, Hey, I only need my family and friends to move to Houston. For everyone else, we're packed. We're full because it's already amazing, and I didn't want to taint it or risk tainting it, right? Houston's great, but I'm still a proud Miami and right? And I was married, and I started a family with two boys. I was stay at home, mom for years, where I enjoyed homeschooling, making all of our products, like soaps and shampoos, etc, right? Had an Airbnb, but child, none of that matters in this moment. None of that matters right now, because in this chapter of my life and where I am right now, I am just dumb. Okay? I'm just me, and that's how I want it to be, as I get to relearn who I am, and as I'm figuring out what boundaries work best for me when it comes to placing boundaries on other people, right? So I created this podcast to be a safe space as we navigate this life together. I mean, it's too beautiful to do it alone, and quite frankly, I needed a space to have a real, in depth conversation with like minded people. And I'm not saying we have to have the same mind, because, girl, listen, I need you to rebuttal. If you don't agree with something I'm saying. Let me know if you agree. Let me know, right? Let's keep going with this, because this is going to be a two way street. So tell me what you think. If something brings up a memory of yours or a question, then email me so you can always email me at the DOM show@outlook.com that's T H, E, D, as in Dominique, O, M, S, H, O, w@outlook.com, so tell me if it's okay to share your story on the podcast when you email me, and also don't forget to let me know if you wish to remain anonymous. We. Then I share your story on the podcast. If you tell me it's okay to share it. Okay. Now it is easier for me to digest things that are straightforward, which sounds rather indifferent, because I love to write. I can write all day, and poems just spill out of me, some short, some long, some great and some only a granny could love, okay. However, I was raised by two parents who were rather straightforward and honest with me, well, minus that one untruth that we'll dive into on a later episode, but for the most part, they were always honest with me. Okay, we are going to be flowing through this. I have some really exciting episodes set up for us where we're going to be diving into so many different topics, because I'm pretty sure that, just like many of you, life has had lots of interesting moments, and all of those interesting moments can be learning curves, right? And I want us to focus on being comfortable with sharing our stories, comfortable with sharing our testimonies, because we really don't know who we can help until we share. Right now, personally, my passions, if you haven't been able to tell yet, is psychology. I really love personal growth, especially now y'all as I feel like I'm starting over and another one of my poem, another one of my passions is poetry. So we will be sharing poems in here. Gang, gang, right?
Let's unpack that right now. Long story short, my dad, my amazing dad, who's also my twin, or should I say, I'm his twin? Y'all, he was in and out of jail when I was a little girl, and then at seven, he went to college. So from my understanding, my dad was in and out of college when I was a little girl, and then once I hit seven, he was in college, and they wouldn't allow him to leave, because he was so studious, he could not leave. He had to focus on his education, which is why I always had to get straight A's, because I had to be just as smart as my dad. Now I believe this because my parents were each other's first love, so I'm a product of love. They were never married, but I'm a product of love. And when my dad dropped out of high school, he would still help my mother, who was still attending school, he would still help my mother with her homework. And these are stories that beautiful stories that they always shared with me, so I had no reason not to believe them during show and tell I showed the class. Y'all. This is a picture of my dad. I'm in elementary school. I'm so excited. I used to love showing off my parents. I always had the young, cool parents, so I showed I showed off this photo of me and my father. Oh, my goodness. So everyone's just like, Oh, that's cute. You know, the the teacher's nodding her head, everything like that. And one little girl stood up and said, Girl, yo Dad, that's not college. It looked like he in jail. And let me see. Grabbed the picture from me and was like, he's in jail. Now, mind you, other people would tell me that, other little kids would tell me that, and I wouldn't believe them, but this time, everybody looked in a gas, even the adults in the room. So needless to say, I shut the whole thing down. Y'all they probably did not do show and tell the next year because of my reaction. Okay, it did not Yeah, no, yeah. It didn't go well. So fast forward to this happening, something similar outside of school, and I'm telling off some other little girl, until finally, my parents are like, Okay, this is getting out of hand. We need to tell her. So finally they told me, and that was that. So to this day, I tell people I love to joke and say, Well, my dad was in out of college when I was younger, and then when I got older, he was in college, but he was so studious, he stayed there for, like, almost 15 years, you know, not
that long.
Now, why am I sharing this story?
I'm sharing this story with you all because when it happened, I remember how I felt when they finally told me that my dad was in prison, and at that time, my dad had two consecutive life sentences, so I was you can imagine a little girl finally understanding that she may never see her dad again, even though he would always never see him outside those of The College campus that she thought she was visiting, that just took security really, really seriously and called him by a number instead of his name, right? So I just remember crying to my cousin Doria, just trying to figure out and understand all of these emotions that I was feeling. And. And I'm really grateful to my mother, who's also my best friend. I'm really grateful to her, because she made it to where I felt comfortable enough to share how I was feeling, and when I couldn't find the words, I noticed, I would find myself getting angry at my dad when I could not find the words, and both of my parents are just so cool and so real and down to earth. My dad, for the most part, would be rather understanding when I would be angry. And I say I'm angry about this, this and this, and he's like, No, you really just angry because I'm here. You want to talk about it, or you want to wait to the next visitation for us to discuss this or do? Would it be easier for you to write down how you feel and mail it to me. Yeah, no, my dad didn't play that. He was checking me. So was my mother, okay, but it was a beautiful thing, because they're the reason, or they are the ones responsible for teaching me about vulnerability and connection and being authentic in expressing myself, right? So them doing this and forcing me to understand how to build human connections in a different way. Because, think about it, he was my parents, but I couldn't call him when I wanted to, except for when he was somebody would have ended up like sneaking a phone in for him, right? So unless he had one of those phones that they were not supposed to have, they would sneak in there. Then I could not call him every day and to write him and wait for him to write back. There was no video visits then. So when they moved him out of town, my mom would have to drive me all the way there to visit my dad, wherever he was, and we have to get there early to make sure we got in before count time, because if you didn't, you were just going to be out there. And by the time you got in inside, after they finished counting everyone in the entire prison, you only have an hour left to visit. So imagine traveling two to three hours to visit someone. You get there, they're in the you get too late, so now you haven't gotten into the building before count time. So that mean you wasted your entire day for a one hour visit, and now the person, the inmate, the human being that you're visiting, is upset with you, and you're upset as well. So now y'all both are upset, trying to enjoy each other's time. Very frustrating, however, that helped me understand the foundation of authentic human connections, allowing ourselves to be open and real and inviting, meaning being willing to listen to how someone else feels, not saying I have to agree with them all the time. We don't have to agree with how they're feeling, but it still makes a huge difference. That's what's going to break down these barriers, and when you're learning to be more vulnerable, we have to acknowledge that we don't have all the answers. How many of you all have met someone that when you converse with them, you can just tell they feel like they have all the answers. They think that they know it all, or simply because someone is talking about something that they are an expert at, they choose not to listen. So instead of understanding, hey, I may as well, you know what? I would just listen, because even if you're talking to me about something that I'm well versed in, I still make the conscious decision to listen, simply because you may say one sentence that teaches me something that I did not know in the course of us conversing for an hour. And guess what? At least I know I learned something I'm not saying waste your time because we're allergic, but at least I learned something right? So we have to remember that it's power in acknowledging or simply saying. I don't know. There are times where looking back on it, I remember when my dad finally got out of prison, and we had so many discussions, face to face, over the phone, you name it, and one of the things that I told him was, I wish he would have simply told me he did not know. And it's not that he never told me he didn't know when it when I would ask him things, but when it came to me as a little girl, the most important question is, Hey,
when are you getting out of here?
Are you ever gonna get out of here? Like, what's going on for him, he had to, and his answer was always soon. My family, everyone's answers around me for them, almost everyone, most answers around me was always soon. He's gonna be getting out soon, right? He's gonna get out soon? Are we getting out, daddy, soon. Soon? You gonna see me? Soon? Daddy will be walking into the park again soon. And at first it gave me false hope. So, from my point of view, it gave me false hope to a point where by the time he got his first life sentence overturned, and then he had to get the second life sentence overturned. And but when he was in the process, because he wrote his own appeal, all of that, that was what finally got it to be approved, right for it to get appealed, meaning they take those life sentences back, and in some cases, like in my father's case, they gave him credit time served. So he also got credit for all the years he was sitting there, which helps as well when it comes to getting them home soon. So for me, I was like, Daddy, by the time it was time for you to work on your to work on getting your Second Life sentence removed, I was ready to give up. Y'all like I was tired of people telling me soon. And at this point, I was getting rather upset and angry every time someone says soon, because it's like soon for who, not for me. Hey, y'all, I'm in college, and I'm still waiting for my daddy to get out. Like, soon. What? Huh? Come again, right? So remember expressing to him that, and I remember him sharing with me and being open and vulnerable enough to me to say, Hey, baby girl, I had to lie to you about that, because I had to make sure that I kept my hope. So I had to lie to everyone else, because in my head, that was me believing that it could happen. That was me manifesting that I will eventually get out of these prison walls, that I would no longer have to have these moments where I'm in solitaire that he would no longer have to play Crazy, so they put him in a better facility. So that took courage. It took courage for this grown man who I still viewed as my superhero, as one of my favorite superheroes, right? It took courage for him to admit, like, Hey, I am imperfect, and I knew it was wrong to lie to you, but I had to lie to you to keep myself going. I couldn't let you give up on me, because that would break me right? So that helped us when it came to our growth, when it came to our building our relationship and getting it to be more trusting, because I started to not trust him. Imagine somebody telling you for almost 15 years, oh, yes, soon come. Soon come. Right? Absolutely not. So I really appreciated how my dad owned his story. He owned his flaws. He told me what he did and what he didn't do, if him being in there was justified or if not right. So I've really appreciated that, because I was getting that from him, and then I was also getting that from my mom, even as she found her way, even as I understood or I even as I watched my mom Foster and create this beautiful environment for me that fostered growth and healing to make sure that I didn't grow up to have daddy issues. So as my dad was in prison, he couldn't send me, at least not in the beginning part of him being in prison, he couldn't send me gifts on Christmas or attend the daddy daughter dances with me. So guess what? His brothers and my uncles showed up for me. In that sense, my mom made sure she always let my dad's side of the family as well as our side of the as was my mom's side the family. Say, Hey, this is what Dom has going on. This is what she has going on. You can be there for you can show up. I'm giving y'all plenty of notice, right? So I still had the beautiful thing about it was I still had the opportunity to go to every father daughter dance at my cotillion, at my sweet 16. I still had them there. My dad would write letters for them, and he would write poems for me, for his brothers, to read to me during those special moments that will always bring me to tears, which is probably why I love poetry so much between my dad and my granny, and I give hats off to my mother for doing that. Or my mom would get gifts and say that, Oh, your dad sent you this. Or it'll say from daddy to Big Head, because that was the way he called me in my mother's handwriting, of course, right? Or my mom would sign me up for the programs. If anyone knows of any programs like this, please let me know, because I would love to donate to them, because they had a huge impact on me as a little girl. But there were these programs here in Miami where if you had a parent who was incarcerated, they the parent would have to sign off. The incarcerated parent would sign off on it, basically, I suppose, is proof that they were incarcerated. And the program would give us gifts from our parents for Christmas time. One program, we get a random gift every year for for your birthday, every year from your incarcerated parent, and it'll be from the program. So I remember my daddy called me, thank you. You got me Barbie this, oh my goodness, and she looks like me.
Oh my goodness, right? And my dad would be like, Oh yeah, that's
he's like, I'm glad you like what I got you. Y'all that man didn't have a clue what, what I was getting you. It, but I was very appreciative for it, and it made a huge difference. So hats off to my mom for fostering that in this podcast, we will be talking about being parents in this day and age, especially with so much technology and so much access that our children have, we'll be discussing that one of these episodes as well. I also feel like vulnerability is a magnet that ends up attracting true freedom. It leads us to true freedom. What do I mean by that? Think about it, when we are vulnerable, it's gonna liberate us from the needs of external validation. And that was something that I had to navigate through for any of you who have dealt with a breakup, whether it be from a spouse, a friend, oh, Lord, child a best friend, it takes a toll on you, and sometimes those things that take a toll on us, we have to learn to rebuild ourselves, and we have to learn how to offer ourselves the same type of validation, if not better, that that person that we miss was giving us. We have to make sure that we're more comfortable in our own skin, right, and that we're less concerned with what others think about us. Granted, we all still want to have a certain reputation, but as you can see online with all of these celebrities, people will like them one day and not like them the next, people will be rooting for them and cheering them on until that person ends up not being who they wanted them to be, or that person's life ended ended up taking a different trajectory that they expected. So yes, others may not like it, but the right person, guess what? The right person is going to respect me for my bravery. They're going to respect you for your bravery, for your honesty. And by honesty, I'm not saying we have to tell the whole world all of our business honesty can simply be saying, I don't want to discuss that right now, or, Oh, girl, I'm allergic to talking about that right now. I'm allergic let's not right. So there's a lot of freedom in not needing other people's approval, because we have already validated ourselves. We have already found gotten to a point where our self worth is high enough to where we force people to respect our boundaries. Either you respect whatever boundary I have placed, or I remove myself, or you no longer have access to me. And that's a beautiful thing.